Need Help! 1-1/2 yrs have past & I'm still struggling
A year & a half have gone by since I've moved to Florida and have continued seeing the new Pdoc I found. I still have a high regard for him and he is as upset as I am that we haven't found a solution for my serious cycling.
The lows are often deadly and I've been in 3 different hospitals since living here; one in September 2009 and two this past June 2010. The first one in mid-June kept me a week and couldn't help me so they sent me to another one. In this last hospital, they felt there was no recourse except Wellbutrin and 6 ECTs.
I am still suffering from memory lapses from that experience with the ECTs. The doctor who performed them wants me to have ECTs once every month for maintenance. I don't think so. I didn't recognize my house when I got home. I couldn't remember where anything was (and I had unpacked and put everything away when we moved here.) I couldn't remember my grandchildren's birthdays or exactly how old they were. I couldn't remember things my husband & I had discussed or done the previous day for the longest time, and I still have some issues with that a whole month after the last ECT. I felt totally lost, confused and embarrassed for the first 2-1/2 weeks. Now I just sometimes get confused. Thankfully, I'm learning where things are again and some pictures or things my hubby says will bring back a foggy recollection of things that have passed. I'd say that 3/4 of my memory is fully intact, thank God.
No, I don't think I'll do ECTs again unless meds fail to help in even the slightest way and I go dangerously manic (which hasn't happened yet) or deadly suicidal which is why I was in the hospital. I just hope that whoever is the Pdoc in the hospital can think of another med plan to try. I don't want to keep losing more and more memory.
Pdoc told me from the start that because of my extremely rapid cycling and being untreated for 57 years, that we were going to have a difficult time finding a perfect mix of meds. He even warned that there might be a possibility that we may never get it completely right but at least we could diminish the symptoms to some degree. I'm glad for his honesty - I'm the type that wants the whole truth up front before starting a project otherwise any disappointment would be devastating. At least I am prepared - but I'm looking for and working toward a positive outcome.
The mania isn't to the extreme that I totally lose touch with reality, so that's good. And it feels good until it starts turning into a downswing--then I get very agitated and irritable. Then it continues to nosedive into a depression, usually very severe which, of course, is a terrible shock to the system for it to happen in a one or two day period.
After this last experience, I feel it is the downswings we need to address first to get them under control. My manias haven't been a dangerous problem right now. Personally, I think coming out of the depression is what triggers the mania. Originally, we though it was the other way around and treated mania as the primary issue -- time has shown that method hasn't worked.
Right now I'm in a fairly high hypomanic zone. I just hope I can stay there or at least not dive below normal. I must stay out of the depressed zone.
If anyone reads this and has had a similar experience and/or some insight into this type of severe rapid cycling bipolar, I sure would appreciate your input.
The lows are often deadly and I've been in 3 different hospitals since living here; one in September 2009 and two this past June 2010. The first one in mid-June kept me a week and couldn't help me so they sent me to another one. In this last hospital, they felt there was no recourse except Wellbutrin and 6 ECTs.
I am still suffering from memory lapses from that experience with the ECTs. The doctor who performed them wants me to have ECTs once every month for maintenance. I don't think so. I didn't recognize my house when I got home. I couldn't remember where anything was (and I had unpacked and put everything away when we moved here.) I couldn't remember my grandchildren's birthdays or exactly how old they were. I couldn't remember things my husband & I had discussed or done the previous day for the longest time, and I still have some issues with that a whole month after the last ECT. I felt totally lost, confused and embarrassed for the first 2-1/2 weeks. Now I just sometimes get confused. Thankfully, I'm learning where things are again and some pictures or things my hubby says will bring back a foggy recollection of things that have passed. I'd say that 3/4 of my memory is fully intact, thank God.
No, I don't think I'll do ECTs again unless meds fail to help in even the slightest way and I go dangerously manic (which hasn't happened yet) or deadly suicidal which is why I was in the hospital. I just hope that whoever is the Pdoc in the hospital can think of another med plan to try. I don't want to keep losing more and more memory.
Pdoc told me from the start that because of my extremely rapid cycling and being untreated for 57 years, that we were going to have a difficult time finding a perfect mix of meds. He even warned that there might be a possibility that we may never get it completely right but at least we could diminish the symptoms to some degree. I'm glad for his honesty - I'm the type that wants the whole truth up front before starting a project otherwise any disappointment would be devastating. At least I am prepared - but I'm looking for and working toward a positive outcome.
The mania isn't to the extreme that I totally lose touch with reality, so that's good. And it feels good until it starts turning into a downswing--then I get very agitated and irritable. Then it continues to nosedive into a depression, usually very severe which, of course, is a terrible shock to the system for it to happen in a one or two day period.
After this last experience, I feel it is the downswings we need to address first to get them under control. My manias haven't been a dangerous problem right now. Personally, I think coming out of the depression is what triggers the mania. Originally, we though it was the other way around and treated mania as the primary issue -- time has shown that method hasn't worked.
Right now I'm in a fairly high hypomanic zone. I just hope I can stay there or at least not dive below normal. I must stay out of the depressed zone.
If anyone reads this and has had a similar experience and/or some insight into this type of severe rapid cycling bipolar, I sure would appreciate your input.
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