need feel better

have my good days and my bad. today is not one of the good ones. im fighting with poor dog that just wants to cuddle. poor thing. tired feeling sorry for myself. for christ sake all said was maybe we can do lunch sometime and didnt get  a reply so now softy cryinglike an idiot. we still talk everyday by text its been calm. just basic b.s. but once by phone and it was nice. i just miss her i feel like im ugly and unwanted and hate feeling like this has been this way my whole life even when iwas married i had it all the beautiful house and the nice cars and kids and was still miserable. now live in shitty falling down trailer with kids couple days and am hating life. and myself. so it just texts me cause i was wining how i woke up feeling miserable and missing her that we can do lunch cause she misses me too. what am i doing. she just playing the game and i am letting her. if she gonna dump me why keep me holding on and staying in touch constantly like its still on. she said never wanted to end it just didnt wanna keep hurting me like she was. dont know just sad uncle died yesterday and i cant even be unselfish and feel for his passing. i hold too much anger inside about the past to go comfort my mother. need remove my head and stop pity party and knock it off. and go wake sleepy babies up and get hell out of house.