Need Advice NEEDS ADVICE!!!!!!!
Well-----I am devestated!!! My Mom (stepmom) passed away last Thursday----I had been expectring it---as she has suffered for years, but that don't make it easier....sadly, our relationship was never good---but I had forgiven her and vice versa----please keep me in prayers!!!
Next----I randomly asked a lady out back in November---she has become far MORE SERIOUS than I sincerely feel------I can't take another loss (i.e. if she commits suicide if I break up-which she has threatened to do) but she is smothering me and I do not have the same feelings----I've tried to convey it to her---but she will nto listen or understand or accept-----she is VERY nice and attractive---I just do not FEEL what she feels and cannot make myself feel somehting fake! I sooooo do not want to hurt her----but I can't be miserable-----I need my space!
GOD help me!!!!
PLEASE????????
Any advice for both situaitons I need!!!! I can't sleep, eat, my nerves stay torn up, I have cried til no tears remain-I have prayed---but things are the same........
I have actually felt like ending it all myself (on me) to prevent hurting her----and hurting over Mom myself-----I'd rather hurt than hurt somebody else------the let's be friends she will NOT accept------she tries to take ALL my free time and I am struggling badly my friends----------------
PLEASE HELP??????
ANY advice I will consider----
Thanks for listening and I love you ALL!
Replies
I'm so so sorry youre going through such a tough time right now. I will definitely keep you in my prayers <3 I know it sucks to end a relationship when someone brings up suicide. For them to say that to you is completely manipulative. If you are scared about it tell someone like her mom or one of her friends. Then its off your hands and cut all ties so she has time to heal in her own way. It sounds like shes struggling with her own issues..
As for a huge loss in your family that only time can heal... Pray about it, talk to a pastor about it, talk to people who have lost a loved one. You will find so much support there.... People go through traumatic passings every day so I know that you will be able to find a group of people who are going through the same feelings as you. Don't pressure yourself to heal quickly. Your mind will take as much time as it needs. Prayers and thoughts go out to you right now.. Message me if youd ever like to talk more about it.
I go with the theory that when a loved one dies, it is the loss of a beloved presence. When an abuser dies, it is the death of hope. Reconciliation is no longer possible. When my estranged father died, I attended a grief workshop and benefited tremendously. The loss of hope is worthy of its own grieving process.
For the unreciprocated, high-maintenance girlfriend. . . Ouch. . . Boundary time? Would you be able to *excuse* yourself with the need to process your step mother's passing before you try to establish a new relationship?
I think you need to talk to a professional about your suicidal girlfriend. Maintain the relationship under the agreement that she gets help otherwise tell you will walk. Sticking around without her getting help is a recipe for disaster.
As for the death we feel grief for ourselves. Your beloved is beyond pain. Do something positive each day that honours their memory
I need to qualify the above. You can't maintain that relationship long term under threat of suicide but in the short term do nothing rash. Get advice on how to handle her and insist she gets help.
Legally a person who is suicidal in Ireland can be detained for their own safety if necessary.
Follow the advice of a professional.
wow, this is insane, im very good with relationships, but ending them isnt my cup of tea.the problem with her is she thinks she loves you thats what i'm hearing. i also hear you dont love her. i kind of understand what happened. since i was a man once i understand you, and have an idea what you done and why you done it to get where you are now. N ow i'm a woman and understand what they did and why she is the way she is.since you know your part in it i hope your sorry that you acted like you made love, but were only having sex.. i see you in your early fiftys, and your lovers age may be close to that to. women unlike men have a bio clock that ticks away each day. nearing that day they never be able to have children, i'm very surprised that she didnt try to get pregnant and trap you that way. she really loves you, God i wish i had that you can teach her not to smother you , telling her its the only way you can consider as a potential mate. saying good bye would destroy her, something i know both of you want to aviod. suicide threats, wow i know about those and know a desparate lady in love could do this. God, you found what im seeking an attractive very nice lady who really loves you. Are you sure you dont want her.?sounds like a great gem that just needs polishing. your 51, are you planning to ever settle down?soon you will be over your prime and quality women will be harder to find. but here comes my answer,,,, take a close look at her a very close look , could you ever loveher maybe not now but in the possible future, she could changeyou know once she has you she could back down some and not smother you. if your answer is no way, you must walk away or run away or even move away and live with your self if it hurts you to tells me you have some feelings all ready. but really i wouldnt have let it go that far, you to, tells me that you really didnt want it to end. but it's getting very serious and your getting cold feet.wow your second plan would to live with her for a while and see if matters don't improve, this way she sees who you are and see her she may change her mind or you yours but matters wont get any worse but keep in mind she may get pregnant. so there have it all can or must do. if you leave her prepare to live with that, if you live with her maybe you can get your space, if your chemistry isnt right why did you stick with her so long?you saw it coming why didnt you run then? now your left with two choices one might lead to love the other will hurt you both. if you wanted a way to tell her and let her down slowly and kindly sorry you waited to long if you truly want out tell her but be kind and tender show her you care but tell her it wont work to do this you got to man up. and feel her pain. but since you dont love her that shouldnt bother you much. or is there more then you realize?
Wow just wow! I don’t normally receive your journals in my email. But apparently their email server is wacky today.
Please take my advice.. This woman is obviously extremely manipulative. To threaten to kill yourself if someone breaks up with you is emotional blackmail and has the maturity level of a very young girl. I do not think you should let her down gently. I think you should tell her you need to put yourself first right now and deal with the very serious issue of grieving.
You are in no way responsible for her depression or mental health issues. If she is serious about being suicidal it’s because she has been mentally ill before you were ever in the picture.
She is a user and abussive. If she were capable of real feelings she would put you first right now. She would want to do whatever she could to support you and try to make things easier for you. That is love.
She wants to monopolize all of your spare time to cut you off from other people and isolate you. You need to cut all ties with her. If possible talk to a close friend or relative of hers before you end things. If not then maybe write down the number of a suicide hotline for her. She is not your responsibility.
You need to take care of yourself. It’s okay to cry but it’s not good that you aren’t sleeping and are having suicidal thoughts. It would be good if you could talk to your family doctor about your situation. Maybe join a grief support group. Please give yourself some time & kindness. You deserve it. I think that you will feel much better once you end the toxic relationship that you are in. I’m so sorry for your loss. It is great that the two of you were able to reconcile. Gentle hugs Kelley
I feel for you my friend. I am sorry to hear that all this is happening at once. I understand grief with a parent when there was conflict. Take solace in the fact that the two of you were able to forgive have some healing and come to a peaceful place. Allow yourself to deal with whatever comes up for you. Just embrace it then allow it to go. Is there something you feel you need or want to do? To honor her or remember her? Perhaps making a plan for that will help you transition with it.
As for the GF...............................wow..........whoa............hmmmmmmmmmmm.............When I was 18 my first husband pulled that stunt. I don't mean to sound to harsh......but yeah he is fine he married someone else and got divorced and had a daughter and made a life. Do you know (did you know) what her mental illness is ? Do you know someone in her life you could /should confide in.? You should not be alone in this situation. Yes she sounds very abusive and manipulative and that she is in a great deal of pain and denial.
Please call a crisis line and ask for help from a professional. Do you have a counselor you could talk to about it. In all honesty you need OUT of this relationship. If she will not let you go. You need to get in touch with the police or mental health or both. She needs help.
Take care of you. Take time for you.
Feel what you need to feel good and bad,
Sending a gentle hug and a pat on the back.
I am so sorry about your step mom, but grateful you forgave each other. Even if you were not close, you at least had a civil relationship. My mother and I are hostile and it does not look like it will ever be resolved. As to the girlfriend that is hard. I had a someone obsessive, stalker type once. I broke up with him, but he followed me around whiny how much he loved me and begging me to talk to him. He stopped taking his insulin once to get my attention. I was only 16 with no idea how to handle things. After the insulin thing he backed off and started leaving me alone. Perhaps he scared himself. I agree with others that professional advice might be good, but I think the longer you let things go on between you the harder it will be. I only dated the guy 2 weeks. Prayers for you.
I think---I hope I took care of the toxic relationship as I did break it off---yet she is blowing my phones up-which I will NOT answer!!
The main thing is the grieving process---I am still sad by my father and that was 2007----I now have NO family----
Thanks and GOD BLESS all who posted on this journal!