need a lil support

So i am on CD 36. I know for a fact I am not prego. Not only did we NOT do the deed when I could have possibly been ovulating im pretty sure I ovulated on the side w/o a tube. SO then wht oh why do I want to go pee on a stick!!!! I have 2 up stairs! I will start my period within th enxt 1-3 days yet I want to go test!! Such a waist of money!!!!!! I have this TTC roller coaster. Its been 9 months of TTC again oh how I miss not worrying about it. How do I not POAS. DH just left for a trip and its to cold to go anywhere. Im not even upset im not pregnant this month. I know things just didnt line up so then why do I have this need!!!!
Is it cause im crazy!!!
Yes I think that is the reason. Or does TTC make one crazy?
Kinda like what comes first? The chichen or the egg?