Nearing 5 months
Well I haven't been posting on here much lately, but it is an exam day and most of my work is caught up and my students finished their exam early and left so I have some spare time now.
Things are going really well right now, can't complain too much. I just celebrated one year at the new school, and I've settled in so it is just like home now. Money is still tight and I never know if I will be full time or part time but I have to try not to stress about it. I enjoy my work and I enjoy helping people learn, so its important to focus on that. Alison isn't working much these days either though so we are definitely feeling the pinch. I want to find a solution so we don't have to stress but I can't think of anything, I don't want to ask Alison to get a second job, and it is difficult for me to work a second job with the fluctuating hours.
The gambling is going well, or lack thereof I should say! I haven't really thought about gambling much in the last 5 months. There are a few reasons, one of them being that I don't really have access to money without Alison knowing. But I also feel different, like I actually want to eliminate gambling now, instead of just saying that I do to appease other people. I do still have the desire to gamble, the thoughts that hey it might be fun now, "if I can control it", but it is better to just dismiss these thoughts and not to focus on it.
I have also made a point of not doing things that I don't want to be honest about. So while I could maybe hide away some money or something I have done everything openly and honestly. This is probably the longest stretch of both being gamblefree and being honest that I have had in probably ten or twleve years or so, since gambling first became compulsive and problematic (can't remember precisely when that was).
One of the things that really was an issue recently though was fantasy football. I have been doing a fantasy football league since university and it is one thing that keeps me in touch with old friends, gives us a reason to hang out with the guys and makes football much more enjoyable. I realize that in the strictest sense it is gambling, but it is also in the grey area. It is something that costs money and pays prizes, but the underlying purpose or reason to play is not about the money. It also isn't something I can lose more money on or increase my bets or anything, so it isn't at all like other forms of gambling. Alison however said that she would not tolerate any of the fantasy football anymore. I said I wasn't willing to give it up and we were at a stalemate for several extremely difficult weeks. Ultimately I decided to give it up, but then it was too late and I felt I needed to do the league just to save it from falling apart, which nobody but the other 11 guys seems to understand. This was still unacceptable and Alison nearly left me, until we reached a compromise where I give her the log in info and let her manage the team and I stay away from it. So far through three weeks that has sort of worked. I miss doing it and can't really join in with my friends discussing it because I'm out of the loop but I'm hoping maybe Alison will relax about it a bit in the future. Other than that staying strong and gamble free, heres looking forward to another GF month ahead!
Things are going really well right now, can't complain too much. I just celebrated one year at the new school, and I've settled in so it is just like home now. Money is still tight and I never know if I will be full time or part time but I have to try not to stress about it. I enjoy my work and I enjoy helping people learn, so its important to focus on that. Alison isn't working much these days either though so we are definitely feeling the pinch. I want to find a solution so we don't have to stress but I can't think of anything, I don't want to ask Alison to get a second job, and it is difficult for me to work a second job with the fluctuating hours.
The gambling is going well, or lack thereof I should say! I haven't really thought about gambling much in the last 5 months. There are a few reasons, one of them being that I don't really have access to money without Alison knowing. But I also feel different, like I actually want to eliminate gambling now, instead of just saying that I do to appease other people. I do still have the desire to gamble, the thoughts that hey it might be fun now, "if I can control it", but it is better to just dismiss these thoughts and not to focus on it.
I have also made a point of not doing things that I don't want to be honest about. So while I could maybe hide away some money or something I have done everything openly and honestly. This is probably the longest stretch of both being gamblefree and being honest that I have had in probably ten or twleve years or so, since gambling first became compulsive and problematic (can't remember precisely when that was).
One of the things that really was an issue recently though was fantasy football. I have been doing a fantasy football league since university and it is one thing that keeps me in touch with old friends, gives us a reason to hang out with the guys and makes football much more enjoyable. I realize that in the strictest sense it is gambling, but it is also in the grey area. It is something that costs money and pays prizes, but the underlying purpose or reason to play is not about the money. It also isn't something I can lose more money on or increase my bets or anything, so it isn't at all like other forms of gambling. Alison however said that she would not tolerate any of the fantasy football anymore. I said I wasn't willing to give it up and we were at a stalemate for several extremely difficult weeks. Ultimately I decided to give it up, but then it was too late and I felt I needed to do the league just to save it from falling apart, which nobody but the other 11 guys seems to understand. This was still unacceptable and Alison nearly left me, until we reached a compromise where I give her the log in info and let her manage the team and I stay away from it. So far through three weeks that has sort of worked. I miss doing it and can't really join in with my friends discussing it because I'm out of the loop but I'm hoping maybe Alison will relax about it a bit in the future. Other than that staying strong and gamble free, heres looking forward to another GF month ahead!
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