I can’t seem to get moving today. It’s not actually related to anything. Sure, it’s hot, sure I slept too much this weekend. Who knows? Perhaps it’s a combination of things.
Sunday... Church tonight, though I really don’t want to go. I’d rather just lie here with my Bible and read chapter and verse. I don’t know what to expect tonight. I wish I could take Odie or one of the cats. I wish I could just avoid the whole thing together. I don’t know what’s wrong with me anymore. It’s like I’m numb. Feeling things from a distance. I hate when I feel like this.
Work... Work is awesome. I love it. I love the people I work with. I love the jobs I get to do. I love it all. My workmates are so helpful. I feel like I belong there. It’s an awesome feeling. One I don’t feel when in the Young Adults group at church. I don’t fit in there at all.
I expressed this to Andy and he told me it took him 6 months to make friends. Awesome... So for 6 months I’m going to be hating it. Most people I talk to, when I express how I’m ignored by ¾ of the young adults, ask me why the hell I’m going. If no one texts back, if no one replies to emails, if no one rings me to make sure I’m okay. And honestly I couldn’t answer. I guess if I don’t belong there, where the hell do I belong? With all my morals, and purity pledges? Where do I fit?
This probably is a very depressing read. I’m sorry for that. Honestly I don’t even feel what I’m writing today. I don’t feel anything at all. Except very tired. Tomorrow I see my counsellor so I’ll express to her all that I’m going through. I hope I’ve returned to some sort of normality before then. That prescription for Temazepam is really looking good right now. Maybe if I got my sleeping habits back to normal the rest would all fall into place. Can’t hurt right?