N-Wording X
Criticisms of my use of the N-Word in the stabilizing of my second parenting career have brought forth the hoards of nameless, faceless Theys who populated the nightmares which plagued my early adulthood. It took ALLOT of psychotherapy to break those hideous beasts down to the individual human beings who painted The They Beasts in their songs, philosophy, rantings, etc. Well. . . The need to grant humanity to those Janes and Johns preceded the ability to find the humanity beneath the psychoses(pl) They *blessed* me with. Even the most cruel of those Janes and Johns are more human than the nightmare manifestations my attempts to forget Them created.
Is it progress that dealing with this round of that specific body of psychoses(pl) feels more like pulling dingleberries from my ass than carving into my heart and soul? Just tug and flush. Bye-bye Jane. Bye-bye John. Have a nice trip. Healing hopes for all. No exceptions.
Not a single one of the N-Word critics in this very specific psycho-sorting I am attempting to process has experience with a second parenting career. Not a single one of them has offered a better word for ^it^. They are just kicking crutches. To my senses, that is Normal-for-Them. In my heavily psychotheraputed normatives, that is Normal-For-They-Bashers. Human culture is chock full of They bashers. How else can They justify war/revolution? Expect ^it^, thank Them for sharing and leave Them in their chosen Nothing Personal camps. That be *theirs* to sort. For my strictly personal normal, keep it strictly personal. Keep those pronouns personal and well-defined with names and faces.
I keep hearing that grands raising grands is the fastest growing demographic in the "First World." Hubby and I arenae alone in this need to normalize a second parenting career, but. . . Yo. . . Co-strugglers. . . Where are you? Can we find politically correct words for ^it^? Fuck the political corrections. Can we find the courage and strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other? Can we find functional support which doesnae mistake, "You remind me of my mother" for moral support? No, Dear, I donae have time nor energy to do your laundry nor resources to pay your rent. The still-young children I am raising come first. I know. NFF. No Fucking Fair. At least we agree on something.
Setting that unwelcome psycho snot knot aside for now. . .
I still havenae found the vacation spirit in the quiet house. The silence mocks all the time and resources which have gone into creating this base of operations for the newly orphaned GKs. It still makes no sense, whatsoever, without them in it. The in-law tensions are augmented by the number of hyper-vigilant political lines between here and the other in-law camp. Will the local rednecks allow the GKs to return from the declared disaster county the in-laws live in? I am still resisting the urge to count the county lines between here and there. Will there be check points on the highway by Sunday when the children are scheduled to return? Have we found our new normal yet?
As I psychotherapute the psycho ticks of the thunderous silence, the quiet voice is whispering that this house *needs* to make sense without the children in it. The vacation spirit needs to be a part of the new normal. Toward that goal, Hubby and I have decided to make the Corona extension of the Spring Break a family vacation week. Hubs is taking a week vacation from his salaried gig and we are putting together our list of local attractions we have yet to explore on this unplanned adventure. Still I havenae found that relief that felt so natural when my husband's parents took the children for their visits. Am I discovering that not all in-laws are created equal? The relations with my son's in-laws still feel like abnormal evolutions, especially with the lawyers in their gun holsters.
Sorting. . . Still on the rapid cycling Normal-for-me. . . Plying therapy tools in hopes of fresher normatives to ply to this strictly personal equation. Still sorry to have offended the Anti-Norm normies. Still not sure that sorrow is going to make it over my busted give a damn. That be **yours** to sort, my contrarian friend. Kindly quit kicking my crutches while you are correcting my grammar. By whatever name, this be an NFF pill to swallow.
Replies
I hope you and hubs find some great things in your ventures. You are right, how can others understand the ripples of change , let alone the tsunami's that you are treading through? They can't unless they also are wearing the same treads in their world? Where some may meet similar steps, a pair of mucking boots may get them by. They don't need full neoprene wet suit and deep diving gear for their day.
Wishing those involved would take all the excess of toxic hot air and blow a bubble around themselves. I would want anyone to catch that.
Hugs to the grand Mom and grand Dad as you stretch your definitions to suit the needs.
My heart to you as you do the do.
J.
Thank you, my jewel of Jewells. Your ability to see individual norms is as profound as ever.
I donae believe any of the individuals involved are wishing me harm. The parents of the children my children are playing with it really do mean to be supportive when they say how much they remind me of their mothers. The math is quite accurate. Their mothers are equally well meaning when they tug on the nostalgia of their own successful parenting careers to get me counting the silver linings in these storms. The bachelors of both genders are trying equally hard to be supportive when they encourage me to avoid the mistakes of their parents. One of the noteworthy yaddahs in this psycho snot knot is the remarkable diversity of the Anti-Normal faction. It seems to include sub-factions which wouldnae ever breath the toxic air in one another's respective bubbles, much less partake of each other's daily lives.
Perhaps the moral of the story is that a Normal Apple willnae ever equal a Normal Orange nor a Normal Rocket Ship.
At least until I find a more suitable word for ^It^? ? ?
Aww.... Arf you are right is surely is no fucking fair..... Is there anyone who can give you and hubs a break on a regular basis ... like Uncles or Aunts of the kids?? that live close or give you some weekends off? even if it's a little drive?
A lot of times people won't suggest it first or offer... I did a lot of caregiving of my folks and no one simply asked
Sending you loads of hugs and prayers for strength and peace...