N-Wording IV
Yesterday I became pretty convinced that Big Bro is having eviction flashbacks. I donae know how many evictions he experienced during his five years with his parents, but it was wa-a-ay more than any five year old is equipped to handle. Don't accuse me of experting, but I does believe one eviction drama is to many for a five year old psyche. He has been through 3 evictions that I know of. I donae have access to the information of how many evictions they lived during the year that Mama was punishing Hubby and I for not playing by her rules. Mama never did find a team willing to play by her rules. Should I be grateful that Big Bro was an only child during that year Mom and Dad attempted to **show us** by living on the couch circuit? No, we didnae evict them, but the drama netted the same results from a child's eye view. Grown-up shouting followed by massive life upheavals. The child was 2 years old and acting out like a mad dog when Mama finally decided to quit fighting Papa's drive to get Gammy and Gampy back into his son's life. Am I merely imagining that the anger bursts, etc. we have been seeing this weekend are quite similar to the emotional outbursts I fielded with the 2 year old only child?
I be far from certain about all that but the big for sure is that I verbally retaliated on his angry rejection yesterday morning and the retaliation seemed to turn his attitude dramatically. The retaliation wasnae planned. It was an emotional outburst of my own and I am quite proud of myself for keeping it short and to the point instead of my habitual hyper-expression which so often accompanies my psychotic outbursts. He put down his game controller and left his room to pursue me for further explanation of what just happened. Again, I was able to keep ^it^ short and to the point. Yay me! "Your anger is getting painful, my love. I was wrong to slam your door, but I still need to say, 'Ouch' when you get mean with me. Whatever your reason, meanness hurts."
Yesterday turned out to be a most excellant day for all which even included some of the beloved vacation activities we used to enjoy before the beginning of the protective custody drama in October 2018. Is that another piece of evidence that the 2 steps back of the healing dance are about bringing the good parts forward? It's not nice to throw the baby out with the bathwater.
This morning finds me hoping --just hoping-- that this morning calm will grow to be part of our strictly personal "New N-Word." Que sera sera. Just for today, it is time to blow the whistle for the school train. Onward through the fog. . .
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I live in a Rust Belt town in which the factories left and half of the total population migrated away seeking jobs, arfie, so it's the first town I've lived in where I see evictions regularly. The latest one was my next door neighbor's eviction this past October. I sat with him by the curb while he cried because his wife and his 4 little kids no longer had a roof over their head. So if your grandson has been through that, I can certainly picture the flashbacks he could have from that. Prayers ongoing.
Evictions were the story of my childhood Coast to tri-coast, including that mid-america Rust/Mining Belt. Gnasty business, indeed. The flashback sequences triggered by my sons' evictions felt unbearable, exponentially so when they included children. Felt. . . I'm here to tell the tale, so I must have survived another one. I think. . . Checking pulse for evidence.
Donae accuse me of experting, but I'm rather fanatical in my belief that eviction and homelessness are a combat zone you really can't relate to unless you've been there, knot even after you've sat a spell with its shell shock victims. Now try to say *that* in 6 year old dialect. For an adult with no dependents, eviction and homelessness can lead to hitting their *bottom* and finally taking recovery seriously. The child victims get me starching my crusader cape.