N-Wording II
The peripheral reaction to using the word, "Normal" or any of its derivatives is sufficient for me to get me correcting my politics, but this is a continuation of the "Normalizing" thread. Keeping ^it^ strictly personal, I feel pretty righteous in my use of the word for this very specific little ship of fools. The protective custody shift in August followed so closely by the double funeral in the first week of October has turned all five of our lives upside down. Four months after the funeral finds us with a continued feel of living in a Twilight Zone episode, each to their own episode. We arenae shooting to compete with The Proverbial Joneses. We **just** want a feeling of continuity in our strictly personal lives, even if the 21st century Joneses are anti-normal. "Normal for us" is the only norm we believe in and the only norm we are shooting for. My psycho sense worries that the too-good-to-be-true feeling which is still defining our current settling into the new house is an even greater threat than the lost and hopeless feel we struggled with in the old house. The too-good-to-be-true feeling has my hyper-vigilance escalating like a beaten crazy bitch wolf. Call in the guards. . . Man the ramparts. . . The barbarian hoardes are assembling! ! ! The light at the end of the tunnel is a fast moving train! ! ! Dig the trenches post-haste! Get them shovels moving! ! ! Yesterday! ! !
Breathing. . . Opening therapy toolbox. . .
Is Friday gratitude to be a part of my strictly personal new normal? The days of the week werenae highly significant to the normal-for-me I was exercising when the protective custody shift went down. 2008 was the last time the days of the week had any routine special significance for me. Ecuador universities run on the same 5 day week as most institutes of learning throughout the world. Here at the end of the first week in our too-good-to-be-true new house I find myself exhausted and ready approach tomorrow morning at the calmer Saturday pace.
Dunno. . . Sorting. . . Processing. . . We see what grows. For sure, we arenae short on fertilizer. Is it my hyper-vigilance which is nagging that over-fertilizing kills plants quicker than starvation? Still stepping small, praying big and letting Old Gnarly lead The Dance.
Replies
I think it's a good tool to continually review how you got here and where you stand the way you do, arfie, to ground yourself in reality with a summary like you wrote above in these words:
"The protective custody shift in August followed so closely by the double funeral in the first week of October has turned all five of our lives upside down. Four months after the funeral finds us with a continued feel of living in a Twilight Zone episode, each to their own episode. We arenae shooting to compete with The Proverbial Joneses. We **just** want a feeling of continuity in our strictly personal lives,"
Your lives have indeed been turned upside down. Setting that right again will take time, and it never will be like it was before. Just having stability after such an double earthquake is key. Continuity is the "normal" you're working on.
Excellent reflection, excellent reality check, just for today, the task for this one day at at time. TGIF today, my friend.
I really appreciate this statement, Arfie, “We **just** want a feeling of continuity in our strictly personal lives, even if the 21st century Joneses are anti-normal. "Normal for us" is the only norm we believe in and the only norm we are shooting for.”
Continuity is so important in families going through crises and upheavals, as much as for the adults as for the children. Sometimes as adults we focus so much on the stability for our little ones that we’ve lose sight of our own needs for it.
I wholly agree with Muji, that it’s “a good tool to continually review how you got here and where you stand the way you do, arfie, to ground yourself in reality with a summary...” because not only are you recognizing the needs of others but also yourself.
I admire your ability to do this, to share how you process all of this, and how you can do wisely step back and look at the situation equally from every side. As a parent I often lose my balance between my families needs and my own, focusing on one while forgetting the other. This is a great reminder for me that widening my view is important.
Hugs, love and support Arfie!