Myself

I've always been independent. While most children's first words are "momma" or "dadda" my first word was "myself". I would say that all the time and when I got a bigger vocabulary my catch phrase as a child was "I do it myself". I've always insisted on doing everything by myself. I hate when I need help and when I'm too weak to do something on my own. If I go through recovery and I try and get better, I want to do it just as I've always done everything: by myself.
I don't want help. I don't want people to interfere. I'm the only one who knows exactly what's in my head. I'm the only one who can't misinterpret what I'm saying, feeling, thinking or doing. When I tried to go to my parents they down played it like they downplay everything. When I was too weak to stand on my own two feet from my insomnia I woke up hearing my dad saying to my mom, "She's taking a nap. I think she's a bit over tired," Thanks dad. I was only struggling to stay on my own two feet for more than a minute. No big deal.
When they try and help everything goes to shit. I don't need my parents. I've never needed my parents. They've never cared about me and I don't care about them. I want people to stop telling me to tell my parents and get help. I don't need help! If I want to get better I'll get better! I'm the middle child. I've basically raised my little sister. When she was born I was only two but by the time I was five I had to protect her from people who were scared because she was different. I've had to grow up real fast. I've been an adult since I was in middle school.
I don't need them. I don't need anyone.