My Wonderful Stepdad
I guess I'm spoiled. I'm lucky that I have a father figure in my life after my dad died who takes care of me. I don't deserve support like that, but I get it anyway. My brother and I both benefit from my stepdad's support. My brother lives in one of my stepdad's houses and pays just a bit of rent for the area, and my stepdad helps me out with money when he can and I need. When I was in college, he would show up at my door with groceries at the right time, always knowing when I needed more. This was even after he and my mom broke up. They've been apart for over 11 years now, and my brother and I still feel like he's a second father to us. I just have this obsession with labels and can't call my stepdad "dad" because my dad is my dad and nobody else will be able to take his place. I wish I could, though, because when I say stepdad people think of bad things, even though I mean it as good. I say I'm spoiled because I've been lucky enough to have 2 great father figures in my life when some people don't have any.
I wish I could get over this obsession with labels and just be able to call him my father. Maybe not dad, but father or something else that signifies all the sacrifices he's done for me over the years. I've known him since I was a kid, about 6 I think, and he's always been there for me. When my dad died, he took my brother and I in as his own children and never looked back. I had my fights with him over the years, but what teenager doesn't fight with their parents? I feel bad for the things I said and did, but teens do stupid things. I even still have trouble telling him "I love you" even though I do love him just because of the stupid label thing or something. I try and tell him as much as I can, but it's just hard to get the words out of my mouth. I think it's just that I'm not used to it. I haven't said it to him a lot, and it's not like with my mom or Nana where it's automatic (although I have problems saying it even to my mom!). I'm just careful with my love, I don't know. It's just stupid. I should tell the people I love that I love them.
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Okay, that ends the tribute part of my journal... back to your normally scheduled journal. For food today I had chicken noodle soup for breakfast, some veggies with spaghetti sauce for a snack, rice and beans for lunch and baked chicken with green beans for dinner. I slept a lot today and didn't go for my walk even though my knee was feeling up to it, I was just lazy.
Today was slow. I didn't do much. I woke up, did some laundry and went online a bit. I was pretty hungry today, but I'm under my calories for the day. I might eat something in a bit depending on how I feel. I just drank a bunch of water, so I'm going to let my stomach settle for a bit after that before I go and eat more. I had stomach problems today again, and was running to the bathroom a couple times. I'm just not feeling talkative lately, I don't know why. Maybe it's another side of the depression, I don't know. Normally I call my sister on Saturday nights, and my stepdad as well. Tomorrow I'm going to call my stepdad for Father's day, and I think I will wait to call my sister as well. I know I should tell my sister I love her, but it's hard when I don't always feel it. I know I love her, but I don't always feel it. I think that's the problem I have with that... I don't always feel the love for the person, even if I do honestly love them. Just another reason to work on discovering my emotions in therapy.
I wish I could get over this obsession with labels and just be able to call him my father. Maybe not dad, but father or something else that signifies all the sacrifices he's done for me over the years. I've known him since I was a kid, about 6 I think, and he's always been there for me. When my dad died, he took my brother and I in as his own children and never looked back. I had my fights with him over the years, but what teenager doesn't fight with their parents? I feel bad for the things I said and did, but teens do stupid things. I even still have trouble telling him "I love you" even though I do love him just because of the stupid label thing or something. I try and tell him as much as I can, but it's just hard to get the words out of my mouth. I think it's just that I'm not used to it. I haven't said it to him a lot, and it's not like with my mom or Nana where it's automatic (although I have problems saying it even to my mom!). I'm just careful with my love, I don't know. It's just stupid. I should tell the people I love that I love them.
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Okay, that ends the tribute part of my journal... back to your normally scheduled journal. For food today I had chicken noodle soup for breakfast, some veggies with spaghetti sauce for a snack, rice and beans for lunch and baked chicken with green beans for dinner. I slept a lot today and didn't go for my walk even though my knee was feeling up to it, I was just lazy.
Today was slow. I didn't do much. I woke up, did some laundry and went online a bit. I was pretty hungry today, but I'm under my calories for the day. I might eat something in a bit depending on how I feel. I just drank a bunch of water, so I'm going to let my stomach settle for a bit after that before I go and eat more. I had stomach problems today again, and was running to the bathroom a couple times. I'm just not feeling talkative lately, I don't know why. Maybe it's another side of the depression, I don't know. Normally I call my sister on Saturday nights, and my stepdad as well. Tomorrow I'm going to call my stepdad for Father's day, and I think I will wait to call my sister as well. I know I should tell my sister I love her, but it's hard when I don't always feel it. I know I love her, but I don't always feel it. I think that's the problem I have with that... I don't always feel the love for the person, even if I do honestly love them. Just another reason to work on discovering my emotions in therapy.
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