My Work
I am enjoying my work... Although I get a bit exhausted when my 72 year old client wants to stay up til midnight and wake up at 5:30am... Good gosh... But I will say our little slumber parties are quite fun...
It is hard to leave my house for two days and sleep at hers... I miss my cats... I find it interesting when I come home and find the wreckage of their little "when the cats play" dillema... So far, not too much, but they are truly drawn to my burlap fabric... How odd...
I am still working on the fundraiser for the Volunteer Fire Department... It is coming together beautifully, but there is yet so much work to do... Little by little... List by list...
The Fire Chief I am working with is marvelous and very appreciative... Although it is at the end of March, the time is going to fly by and I will need to make sure we are prepared far in advance...
I had a thought of suicide two evenings ago when I spoke of the loss of Vincent... I remembered how I never wanted him to die before me as I couldn't handle the grief, but I didn't want to die first as no one could ever be the mother I was to him...
The thought struck me that we should have died together... I felt heartbroken and lost... We should have died togther... I never wanted him to die... People say that is life, but I find it unacceptable... Truly unacceptable... I wish I were with him... I wish he were with me... I miss him so terribly...
It is hard to leave my house for two days and sleep at hers... I miss my cats... I find it interesting when I come home and find the wreckage of their little "when the cats play" dillema... So far, not too much, but they are truly drawn to my burlap fabric... How odd...
I am still working on the fundraiser for the Volunteer Fire Department... It is coming together beautifully, but there is yet so much work to do... Little by little... List by list...
The Fire Chief I am working with is marvelous and very appreciative... Although it is at the end of March, the time is going to fly by and I will need to make sure we are prepared far in advance...
I had a thought of suicide two evenings ago when I spoke of the loss of Vincent... I remembered how I never wanted him to die before me as I couldn't handle the grief, but I didn't want to die first as no one could ever be the mother I was to him...
The thought struck me that we should have died together... I felt heartbroken and lost... We should have died togther... I never wanted him to die... People say that is life, but I find it unacceptable... Truly unacceptable... I wish I were with him... I wish he were with me... I miss him so terribly...
Replies
WOW,a lady at that age wanting to stay up that late! Perhaps she needs to learn to record what is on tv and watch it earlier in the day :p
Vincent would NOT want you to miss him so that you give up on your whole life ahead of you! You never know whom will come along tomorrow that will NEED you!
OY! \"...a lady that old...\" LOLOL!!!! I know a man who, at age 80, used to bicycle 40 miles a day! LOL! WAIT...as you approach \"old age\" you will discover that the older you get, the younger it seems to be.
As for you, little sister, it is good to be getting out and caring for people. That woman has a long life yet ahead if she\'s the typical 72...in this place I live now there are people 20 years older than I am, and most of them are mobile, self sufficient (they have to be, this is an apartment building), active, play golf, go shopping..cook huge meals which they share with me (yay). As for your \"suicidal\" thoughts: when we lose someone we love more than life, occasionally (if we\'re going to be honest) we all of such thoughts. There are hours, sometimes even days, when the burden of grief is just too huge. You hang in there, we need you.
glad your job is working out,but oh my i would be so tired too if i\'d to stay up that late and get up that early....thank god it\'s only 2 nights!! she sounds sweet,glad you got a nice lady,some old people can be so stubborn and set in their ways!! As hard as this is to say,i would be more acceptable with Clay dying before me cause no one would have took as good care of him as i did and i could just imaging him waiting for me day after day to come back to him,that thought is heartbreaking,i wish he never had to go and i miss him so much,one day at a time is all i can handle,thinking of \"the rest of my life\" without him is too hard to bare.the ache in my heart will never go away,try to stay strong,distract yourself if you can when those thoughts creep in,big hugs xx
Thank you so much, my friends... I am so grateful for your honesty in telling me your feelings and thoughts also... A death is devestating and many dynamics are involved... So many... It is just a thought which is hanging over my head... I do not wish to commit suicide, but there is that part of me that really doesn\'t care if I am alive... I try to stay focused on events in my life, my funraiser, my job, etc... But, sometimes I feel as if I am the walking dead...
I am so sorry I am at loss for words. You are a very caring person and I hope you can know that he will always be there for you, a spirit will stick by those who are loving such as your self and watch over you. You are not the walking dead you still have a lot of sincere life left in you. Take care and forgive your self I am sure that is what he would want. *Hugs*