My Words

I've been reflecting about what I wrote yesterday, googling certain things (being the analytical that I am) and this is what I'm thinking: whatever the reason he may be acting out/thinking against women, it seems to come from a place of hurt. Mind you, that doesn't excuse it, but it does give me a framework to think from.


I know that his mom could be pretty harsh as they grew up; her childhood was emotionally abusive as well. (This is all from her, who I do love--we get along great!) His older brother & younger sister (& to an extent, his older sister) have gone through periods of open resentment because of it. My H, however, has more of his dad's personality: sunny on the outside, but resentful on the inside (which I never noticed in his dad until recently, when he's starting to let it "slip"). I guess you could say that he "stuffs" or "covers up" his feelings. Or maybe talks himself out of them (or thinks he does)?
In any case, living with H is kind of like living near a hornet's nest. You obviously don't jump in, or you'll get stung. But neither should you "stir it up" or poke at it. And I have to say, in retrospect, that I'm guilty of "poking at it" in this way: My H can be very self-deprecating, always laughing at himself & sometimes I've jumped on his own bandwagon, laughing at his faults or whatever. But I'm thinking, maybe that is not such a good idea. Because although he is laughing on the outside, my words are poking his hornet's nest.


Bottom line, as I always say, "if you can't say something nice, don't say it at all." No matter what it looks like!