My Update
I had a good weekend with my sister, who came to stay. We talked and talked, and have never done that together that much in our lives.
The depression is lifting and I am feeling like the Debbie I use to know again. The book, "Jesus Calling", was my turnaround point. The words of God continue to keep me on the right track.
One of the drawbacks of losing your spouse is to feel needed and wanted again. Everyone has those needs. It is what nurtures us a people and as human beings. I have realized that being needed and wanted IS in my life. I have so often worried that God was going to put a new man in my life, and in all honesty, I'm not ready for that. I may never be ready for that, but that decision is between me and God. No one else. Once widowed, there is so much emphasis put on finding new love again. Can we just be permitted to process the loss of that wonderful, precious, human being we lost, and not need to feel the pressure of "finding new love"? It isn't the answer. The answer is discovering who we are again, discovering what we are capable of doing for ourselves again, and digging into our soul to find our own needs and wants.
Just venting, again, but it feels good to get these things out.
The depression is lifting and I am feeling like the Debbie I use to know again. The book, "Jesus Calling", was my turnaround point. The words of God continue to keep me on the right track.
One of the drawbacks of losing your spouse is to feel needed and wanted again. Everyone has those needs. It is what nurtures us a people and as human beings. I have realized that being needed and wanted IS in my life. I have so often worried that God was going to put a new man in my life, and in all honesty, I'm not ready for that. I may never be ready for that, but that decision is between me and God. No one else. Once widowed, there is so much emphasis put on finding new love again. Can we just be permitted to process the loss of that wonderful, precious, human being we lost, and not need to feel the pressure of "finding new love"? It isn't the answer. The answer is discovering who we are again, discovering what we are capable of doing for ourselves again, and digging into our soul to find our own needs and wants.
Just venting, again, but it feels good to get these things out.
Replies
Debbie,
It sounds like you have come to another stage of this journey. I think you are doing exactly what is right for you, and you alone know what it is.
I understand that pressure that others and we ourselves put on us to find someone else. I\'m not the person I was 2 years ago. And until I know more about this new person, I don\'t feel I should be involved with anyone else. I don\'t want to regret something I may end up doing. My feelings changed so drastically over the last 2 years in a matter of moments. I didn\'t make any other decisions unless it was a matter of no choice, and am so glad that I didn\'t. Why would something so important like another love be any done in a quicker time frame?
Thanks for sharing.
Hugs,
Kathy
Debbie,
Sounds like you got a lot of benefit from the talk therapy with your sister. It is always nice to have someone to share with, to purge your thoughts and in doing so listen to yourself.
Your reoccurring fear is that of perhaps finding another to love and your heart fights it, your mind fights it and you become steadfast in your conviction. You have every right to do so and I do not want to have you think I am criticising. \" I have so often worried that God was going to put a new man in my life, \"....your words would have me ask you to think of something in a different perspective. I know you would prefer to have complete control over this and your life but letting go of that control is actually freeing. Let God move in and with your life as is His will. He knows your heart. If He should put someone before you perhaps it is with purpose. Maybe this individual is one that needs what you may have to offer and sent to you as God\'s purpose for this phase of your life. Perhaps God is sending you what you need. He has given us free will and I would doubt He move in our lives before we are ready ...except... God chose to take our spouses before any of us is ready...I\'d never be ready...but I chose not to question why as I continue in faith. When I lost my job/career of 32 years to restructuring I was crushed. I was always one in control but chose then to put my faith in God that there was a purpose. My father became ill with cancer and I was available to be with him and help him and my mother through it. My purpose was revealed. I wait now for whatever purpose with an open mind and an open heart knowing and trusting in the guidance of my Lord.
Have a wonderful and blessed week...Linda
Debbie, I am so glad for you that you are feeling better, nothing like a little sister therapy! Hang in there, you are an amazing strong person who have helped so many of us here on this site. You do have so much love to give, hugs Lu Ann
Linda, I am glad you sent me your message for we do not have complete control over anything. If we had, our spouses would still be here. It does feel better to give God complete control of my life, and yes, he does know my heart and me, much better than I know myself. I know that I am certainly not ready now and I am sure that God knows that also. I just know what I love at present, and that is my home, my pet cat, my bus trip business and my family. Whenever I start to slip backward or get anxious, I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and ask God to continually guide my life. I\'m tired, and I am tired of feeling poorly and depressed. Thanks again for your kind and eye opening words.
Blessings, Debbie
don\'t give uo on what you believe is best for you, as you said, your choices and your destiny is between you and God. As humans we will feel the loniliness that has been left in our hearts, that is why your therapy and this wonderful site is here for us. Glad to see you are feeling as \"Debbie\", God knows how I understand that completely.