My Unborn Daughter!

Well, my last birthday had been the worst day of my life for I saw Ruby on skype cam for the last time. It was a day felt worse than when I got the news of my father's death. I wonder the news of my father's death did not make me feel horrible as I felt when I have missed Ruby. It was only online though but it had promises of a life together. I am sorry it turned out so. I may have said horrible things to Ruby for jealousy. She did not understand how we Pakistani men may be? Or may be it was me who got sickly jealous of other men talking to her even if online! Also another concern had been her son who would have an elder brother to our future kids. And had I got a daughter I would have been acting like my father who inspite of living in Europe returned to a 3rd world country for he wanted his daughter to be raised in his own country with familiar values. He stayed worried for the rest of his life for he never found the ideal conditions he saw in Europe. He deprived us of a brighter future. So that is how Pakistani men of my generation still think. It is uacceptable for us that our daughters be interacting with stranger men like the girls in the Western World do. He came back and I was never comfortable with the idea of our future kids being raised with the child of an American who had criminal record. I am sorry Ruby. I am extremely sorry. Another birthday of mine passed this year with sad reminders of the last. Last Eid had been the same while Marium talked to Ruby for the last time. Let me see what happens on this Eid. Ruby, I hope your child stays safe. It was your right to protect him and keep him away from me for I could never have given him the love which his biological father could have given him. And it was my right to think of my future kids and their safety. It is hard to trust foreign blood when it comes to kids.