My trip so far...
At the moment I am at my Dad's house in La, this place is crazy cajin and he loves it here now. Its 220 in the morning which means at my house its 320. I cant sleep.
The trip's been hard. When I left the other morning I just sat and held Liam's urn crying and then cried on and off during the 8 hour drive. But I did it, thought it would be good to see the rents. I was trying to stay composed around people but yesterday for dinner a young couple came in when we were almost done with their little toddler in a high chair. I was cutting into my eggplant and started hearing coos and giggles, stopped mid-word. Mom reached out her hand and told me to be strong and not cry, but the child just kept coooing, so i got up and walkedout. I was sobbing by the time we got to Dads but they kept coming in the room, wanna go look at houses (does anyone other than my father enjoy that?) Mom came in a couple of times but Dad would just stand at the closed door because I brought a picture of Liam to have near me and he still cant look at Liam. So then I get lectures from Mom about 'movingon' and hours later from Dad about being a strong woman and why dont I want to just move on, even my sister called to hurasse me as well. Dont they know how much harder they make it. Liam is my son, no one can tell me how to morn him! And if I get upset and need to cry then I should, even if it makes them somewhat uncomfortable!
My Sister did not in any way acknowldge that I might be included as a Mother on Mother's day. Dad sent me a text. And Mom just simply asked what we were doing that weekend, but no happy whatevers, no simple card to say I love you. Are they so worried Ill break down that the cant acknoweldge my son? He's my son and I love him. When a pet dies its ok to be sad. When an older family member passes we can morn them...why cant I morn Liam in my way!
I know im emotional and dont sound like my jolly self...but well that person has forever changed. Im starting to smile again but I will never be the same. Maybe I should never have come. But I know they love me and are driving me crazy out of love...
The trip's been hard. When I left the other morning I just sat and held Liam's urn crying and then cried on and off during the 8 hour drive. But I did it, thought it would be good to see the rents. I was trying to stay composed around people but yesterday for dinner a young couple came in when we were almost done with their little toddler in a high chair. I was cutting into my eggplant and started hearing coos and giggles, stopped mid-word. Mom reached out her hand and told me to be strong and not cry, but the child just kept coooing, so i got up and walkedout. I was sobbing by the time we got to Dads but they kept coming in the room, wanna go look at houses (does anyone other than my father enjoy that?) Mom came in a couple of times but Dad would just stand at the closed door because I brought a picture of Liam to have near me and he still cant look at Liam. So then I get lectures from Mom about 'movingon' and hours later from Dad about being a strong woman and why dont I want to just move on, even my sister called to hurasse me as well. Dont they know how much harder they make it. Liam is my son, no one can tell me how to morn him! And if I get upset and need to cry then I should, even if it makes them somewhat uncomfortable!
My Sister did not in any way acknowldge that I might be included as a Mother on Mother's day. Dad sent me a text. And Mom just simply asked what we were doing that weekend, but no happy whatevers, no simple card to say I love you. Are they so worried Ill break down that the cant acknoweldge my son? He's my son and I love him. When a pet dies its ok to be sad. When an older family member passes we can morn them...why cant I morn Liam in my way!
I know im emotional and dont sound like my jolly self...but well that person has forever changed. Im starting to smile again but I will never be the same. Maybe I should never have come. But I know they love me and are driving me crazy out of love...
Replies
im having the same problem my family is telling me to put lucas pic away and not take them anymore i just cant do that. i miss him so much. if u want to take liam pic w u and hugshold u go ahead and do it dont listen to anybody. i wasnt acknowledge on mothers day, but i know we are. so stay strong and you do what u think is the best for u
i hate being told to move on. how can we move on and forget?andrew tells me to get over it and move on. people who have lost a child knows you cant move on
No, you are right. You need to take your time to heal. We are forever broken and somehow the pain will lessen, I believe, I hope. I can already tell it\'s not as bad as those very black days (the first month). So I am assuming over time we have some sort of healing.
You do whatever you need to do. If that means you take his picture with you, then that\'s what you should do. They don\'t know. I truly believe if the person hasn\'t been through it themselves, they have no clue. My Dad was sort of the same way. I decided pretty quickly to write him an email of how I was feeling (which was pretty grim, bold, and truthful, I didn\'t hold back at all) and at the same time asked him not to worry about me, not to pitty me, but to please not expect me to move on or say those words. I explained how badly they hurt and that I will grieve the way I need to and for ever how long that will take. Needless to say, that pretty much shut him up. Bottom line is we are going through enough. We don\'t need the excess.
Hang in there. Try to enjoy your trip as much as possible and remember, they don\'t know. They don\'t get it, they can\'t even begin to comprehend it. How can they?
Big hugs, hang in there, Stacy
I\'m so sorry your visit has been rough. But Cajun Country is good people! I am here! Are you visiting Lafayette or near? How long are you here? I wonder if we could meet up for coffee or something?
No one has the right to tell you how to mourn your son, you are absolutely right! You are doing your best, and I think you are doing great- you are a very strong woman who has been through so much! Sometimes people say things that are so hurtful without even knowing it, and I\'m sorry that\'s what\'s been happening to you. You are Liam\'s mother and you have every right to take the time you need, to cry the tears you shed, and to do so without any judgement or critism. Sometimes we don\'t get the credit we deserve for coming so far- but I give you all the credit in the world! Stay strong and know that we\'re here for you and rooting for you with love and support!
Definitely don\'t let your family convince you that you\'re wrong to mourn the way you have been. I have had to go through the same thing, even with my husband. I just came to the realization that people just don\'t get it if they haven\'t been through it, and they don\'t want to talk about things that make them uncomfortable. I didn\'t get anything on Mother\'s Day either, even though I wished my other 3 sisters a HMD. And, one of my sister said Happy Mother\'s Day on Facebook to a friend of the family who is pregnant. I actually delivered a baby, and I don\'t get a Happy Mother\'s Day, but if you\'re pregnant, I guess then you get a Happy Mother\'s Day. I don\'t understand people. I hope your trip gets better and that you can start to enjoy it more. Hugs.