my thoughts, from my heart :) We have some signs of Spring Blossoming :)

Doing Ok :) A good start to the week :) Writing with my heart, and spirit :) my family and i hope everyone had a nice Easter :) We're enjoying hearing about your Easter holiday traditions, and the special times shared :) We enjoyed having family over to visit yesterday, and also the kids all so excited to find Easter eggs :) The delicious Easter dinner :) it was a really nice Easter sunday :) we're easing into the new week :) i've been hanging out with my mom and dad today :) also enjoying some time online, and cleaning/organizing my computer room :) i've began some new goals in recent days, and i'm feeling hopeful, and excited for these new goals :) i know i can achieve them :) i'm finding out, really how strong i am, through the recent times i've been enduring. It's a comforting feeling, to know i'm not alone, and can write :) one of my new goals, is to become whole again, and i think with each day that goes by, i will achieve more of this goal :) Some down moments each day, but plenty of good moments too, that always reassures me, that all is gonna be alright :) We're looking forward to going out tomorrow morning to get some treats :) i'm also having a nice writing week :) i've got my writings flowing, and i'm looking forward to sending lots of love and friendship smiles across the miles, from our hearts, and home to yours :) Thank you angel friends :) Thank you :)
Big warm hugs, on this April day :) Easing into the new week :) Hi angel friends, my family and i hope everyoen is doing well, and having a nice day :) Thank you all, for sharing your Easter holiday with us :) We enjoyed a special time, celebrating with you all yesterday :) it was a really nice relaxing, and peaceful Easter, from sunrise, through sunset :) We got some iced teas during the evening :) my mom was resting, and i said, "mom, you did great, you accomplished all of your goals" :) She was very proud, but also tired, as she had a big week leading up to the Easter holiday, with all of the preparations, shopping :) She layed down early last night, and got a good rest :) i had a movie night last night, i've been re-watching some of my favorite movies, from the early 2000's (comedy movies), and it's been nice to be able to do this, watching the movies :) i have 1 more movie coming from amazon too, that i ordered on there last week :)
i've been doing ok :) i've had some friends, checking in on me, calls, texts, and also some time spent here on ds, it's really nice :) sunday was good day for me, saturday was an up and down day with my feelings/emotions, but it's natural, i know, as i continue a journey of healing, and finding peace within my heart again :) not counting the days, but i know it's almost been 2 weeks, come this friday, since my life changed dramatically, suddenly. i've been writing some messages to friends, to discuss things, and i'm feeling like i'm doing ok, and i feel like each day, i'm a bit better, than the previous day. i think with each day that does pass by, things will get more and more better too, and i'll feel that spirit boost again :) i've thought about things a lot, i've also had some days, where i tried to push my feelings to the side, and i try to ignore things, so that it doesn't hurt, but i know, it's just naturally gonna take it's course, with this.
i'm proud of how well i'm doing :) Family, Friends, really helping me so much, my writing time, keeping busy, active, organizing :) Thinking of Gardening season, all of the hard work to put into the yard and gardens, it's gonna be so nice, healing, and theraputic for me :) i kinda look at it, as the beginning of that magical 2007 gardening season :) i really needed the gardens that season, and every year since, but some seasons, i need it more than others, especially this upcoming season :) i have lots to be thankful for, my family and friends, my #1 blessing :) The Strength, energy i'm recieving from everyone, is incredible :)
Some things i'm proud of myself for, are, i haven't tried to contact Holly (by text or phone), since March 27th (morning all of this began). not contacting her, has been hard, but i believe it's the best thing for me, and my healing journey :) another thing i'm proud of myself for, is sticking up for my feelings. :) This goes along with not contacting her. i know if i did it once, i'd end up contacting over and over and becoming frustrated. i didn't go this path at all. She hasn't contacted me either. i know it's been hard, and how i've been left in the dark by her, but you know, maybe this is how things were supposed to be. maybe her and i, being in a relationship for over 3 years, was what it's meant to be, and how it ended like this. even though i didn't see it coming, and that hurt a lot, at least, i can begin the healing process, instead of this happening down the road. i've been talking with friends, who have had similar experiences, and even reading on relationships/breakups forums/messageboards, similar experiences, people writing, and sharing their experiences, it's really good to let those feelings out. i've always used my journal here on ds, to share, to express, to open my heart, and spirit to all, to share all i can, and to help others :)
i know right now, me just writing about some of my feelings, is helping me, and this is what will lead me to more healing. :) one of the toughest things, other than not knowing why, being abandoned suddenly by her, is the memories, items that remind me of her, and us, and the times she and i shared. movies, tv shows, sports, texts, calls. it's hard, it really is, when someone we're use too, is suddenly out of our lives, and it can be hard, when it's 1 thing, or a million things, it's all the same, hard to come to terms with it. so much that i've shared, and enjoyed over 5 years, was with times spent with Holly. so many good times, way more, than the recent rough times, with whatever was on her mind and what she was going through. of course, many wonderful times shared with family and friends, and Holly was always a big part of my days, and my  life. her not a part of it, it feels different, very much so. i've had to put some stuff away, and i talked with friends about this. i've had to put the items/gifts, cards, she has sent me over the years, away in my other room, in boxes/bags,as it's just a bit too much for me to see right now. friends mentioned, that did the same thing, when they've had experiences with breakups.
some of my current feelings are, i feel relaxed. the rollercoaster ride i was on, with her, was something so wild, at the time, it was fast, it was quick, every day recently, it was something going on, and me trying to help her, and help and help some more. i feel relaxed. i try not to feel guilty about feeling relaxed, as i can handle rollercoaster rides of emotions, and being in a fast paced lifestyle, but knowing what she did to me, and how much it's hurt me, i've embraced myself, with feeling more relaxed, and trying to tell myself, and remind myself, that i deserve these relaxed feelings, and i deserve happiness, and peace. :) i do have lots of sadness at times, i'm not really depressed about it, it's more of a feeling of feeling numb. it's like, if someone was driving for hours and hours, and then they had more to go, and then suddenly had to walk. it's like, "wow, this is different", and needing to adapt to it.
i've been reminding myself, that before Holly and i were friends, before she and i became a couple, i was a happy person back then too, and i can be a fully happy person again, as much as it's hurting right now, i know i can get back to that point, where i'm over it all, and my heart, will heal, and i can see, that life, days, they go by, and just because she and i aren't in a relationship anymore, i can be at peace, and i can still enjoy every day to the fullest :) from 2010, until March 26th 2015, that thursday last week, she was a huge part of my life, every day, not a day went by, where she and i weren't in touch, even her hospital stays, physical therapy center stays, we were always, like 2 acorns stuck together, side by side. through it all, we made it work, and had set our sights on a visit this year, my mom, even said, "Chris, we gotta go see Holly this year". dreams, shared, and for it, to just be not there now, it's really walloped my heart, and spirit, but you know, i'm gonna be ok, i know, i will be ok, as long as i remain strong, i refrain from contacting her, i know, i must not reach out to her, because i think it would set me back, with how much i've come forward so far.
i'm not sure, if this private/unknown caller, that called my cell phone last wednesday at 11:15am, and also called our home phone, friday and then saturday, if it was her, we don't know. her wanting to be friends all of a sudden after over 3 years being a couple, it blind-sided me, plus, if she wanted to be friends, she could have talked with about it. friends talk, but she, has completely left me in the dark. it's like, she just took total control of everything, our love, relationship, and she chose on her own, to end it without talking, and without giving any reason why. no explaination. i'm left, with all of the hurt, and broke heart. it's not right. it's been a whirlwind of emotions. part of my feelings, of missing what she and i had, i would gladly get the phone if it was here reaching out to me, but there's part of my feelings, upset, and frustrated too, by what she did to the love she and i shared, and how much she's hurt me, even if she's had these emotional issues, she could have reached out to me by now, her brother, or her daughter, could have reached out to me if she was unable too, if she went to seek help at a place to treat her condition, but there's been no contact from anyone there, this hurts, and part of me, doesn't even want to talk with her, because i'm upset with how things have went. i feel like, it's not fair, when someone can do this to someone, leaving them in the dark, alone, and feeling abandoned.
i talked with my mom about this too, i just, "mom, part of me would want to talk with her, part of me, doesn't want to talk with her", my mom is quite shocked too, about all of this that's happened. she was friends with Holly. my mom's not happy that Holly's hurt me deeply like this. it's confusing about Holly. things that confuse us, are hard to cope and deal with as it is, but when heart-break is involved too, it makes it even harder to understand and to function. i think i've been doing ok though, and have kept going on, with my days :) Thank you, for being here, sticking with me. i know my journals are usually very spirited, high intensity, but right now, i'm giving the days my all, and trying my best :) it means the world to me, to know you all are here :)
i'm a strong person, and i've got my family, i've got my friends, writing, nature, and soon gardening :) as much as i miss Holly being a big part of my days, and as much as there's so much missing from my days now, i don't feel like i have to really re-invent myself, of course i'm adapting to new way of life now with my days, but i know, i can get back to that happiness again, before 2010, before Holly and i officially became a couple in 2011, dedicated to eachother. i think i can get back, to those days, i know i can. :) i know, her not in my life, doesn't mean, i can't enjoy life. i have plenty of wonderful people, family, friends, that i can enjoy life with each day to the fullest. it's just gonna take time, and it may take a long time, but, i like the path i'm staying on right now, keeping close with family, friends, and i'm staying motivated, and determined, to achieve my goals, to maintain good health, and i love to help people :) family, friends, anyone that need a friend or needs to talk, i'm here :) to anyone, who experiences heart-ache, painful memories, or any time that's rough, any challenges that are rough, there's an inspirational quote, from the movie, "Angels in the outfield". it goes, "i've got nothing left", and mentor/manager says, "yes you do, you have angels with you right now, and they're here to help" :) my family, my friends, thank you for being my angels here for me, and i'm here for you too :)
It's a good, positive monday :) i'm keeping nicely busy today :) i did some cleaning, and organizing here in my computer room :) i had some nice baked potatoes/baked sweet potato for lunch :) it was delicious :) i've been spending some time with my mom and dad, and it got a bit sunny outside here :) i took some new pictures of our spring sprouts/plants :) i look forward to cleaning, organizing our gardens and yard :) thats gonna be a big project, but a very rewarding one :) we're looking forward to going out tomorrow morning to get some treats :)it's gonna be nice :) we love sweet treats tuesday :) Thank you angel friends, for all of your wonderful love, care, support, encouragement, and for all that you do for my family and i :) We deeply appreciate everything, with all of the love of our hearts :) sending a big group comforting hug :) tonight, i'm going to watch a movie :) looking forward to many more, good positive days :)
-never lose hope :)
To Wildthing, Peaceful Gentle moments of the day :) Wildthing, it's a nice day, with some sunshine :) Thinking of you, our dear friend :)
my mom says hi :) She says, "i hope everyone is having a nice day" :) awww! :) We love you all very much, our dear angel friends :) We hope everyone is doing ok, and having a nice monday :) we're looking forward to going out to get some treats :) i'm feeling ok, after doing some writing today :) getting back on track, slowly, with my days, and gradually experiencing more healing.
Nature Love :) We have some sweet blossoming surprises in my favorite gardening area :) happy smiling golden daffodils :) our first blossoms of spring :) it always brings me joy, to see spring flowers :) This is a wonderful nature boost i saw, this late afternoon :) There's plenty of hope, energy, and strength to be gained, from nature :) i need to get into our yard and gardens more, and to share all about it :) i took these new pictures this afternoon :) i'm ready to blossom into spring gardening soon :)