My thoughts and the past back to haunt me
Today I am feeling ok. Last night was a little scary mainly because I saw that one of my old friends (that still uses) sent me an email wanting to know how I am. I did not send anything back yet because I am not sure if I should even bother. My sponsor said that I should respond and explain that I am sober now to see if they really are my friend and will respect that. I am getting really nervous about the job interview but all of you seem to think I will rock it so that helps a lot. After getting that email, I started to think about the times I used with that person which made me start to miss using again. I hate when my thoughts go on one track and stay there. I had to call my sponsor to help me get focused and ask what to do about the email. I have therapy tomorrow and although I spend time discussing my addiction, she wants to really start working on the rapes. I am terrified but I know that I cannot keep pushing the thoughts and feelings aside any longer.I have no idea where to start or even how far I can go into that. It is so painful to even think about and it always drove me into using so this is going to be very different because now I have to work through it instead of getting high to forget it.