My Thorn in the flesh

I'm not sure what I am suppose to write in this journal. I see listing goals. For me it is one day at a time.I have no one to talk to. I have no friends. My husband and I move around a lot because of his job.He really doesn't like to talk about my son. He just gets angry, because of everything my son has put us through. In my heart, I believe that my son doesn't choose to be the way he is. YESTERDAY was extremely difficult for me. My conversation with him left me completely heartbroken and depleted. I kept picturing in my head something that happened on one of my trips to Illinois to go to to Chicago to get a court order to get my son off the street, as he was a danger to himself and others. It was 2 am and I was sleeping in his bed. I heard a rap on his window and looked out and it was hi . He had on a pair of shorts and was drenched from head to toe,as it was extremely hot with the heat . I don't even know if he had other clothes. He had a makeshift tent in the woods behind my mom's house. He had a blanket draped over branches that was soaked because of the severe storms we had. I opened the door to let him in. He ran to his room and crouched down in his closet like an animal and quietly whispered if I could make him a sandwich and sneak it to him. It was the hardest thing as a mother to see or hear. This was my child. He was barely 20 years old with a child mentality. We don't even treat animals this way. I told him to take a shower and made him something to eat, and told him to go get in his bed. He has been in and out of hospitals since he was 9. He has been on all kinds of antipsychotics. Nothing has seemed to help. He has been in numerous programs and seen many psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, social workers,etc.. He has been diagnosed with bipolar,adhd,ocd,odd. When he turned 18 my husband wanted him out of our home in Florida,mostly because of the compulsive stealing, and fights. He is not capable of holding a job or taking care of himself, or making life altering decisions or any decisions for his own good. He is extremely impulsive, and easily misled . When he turned 18, No one could make him take meds,seek help,etc.. My mom took him in. I drove him to Illinois. April 2014, my mom called and said she was dying. My step father asked that I pick up my son so she could die in peace. My husband would not let me bring him home so we were both homeless. My daughter let us stay with her, but May 25 was my mom's birthday and she was in the hospital. Mike stole my daughter's ring to give to my mom for her birthday. I made him get it back. Next my oldest son took us in. Mike was off drugs for 4 months and giving clean drops. He replaced drugs with drinking. Every day was a fight and struggle. My oldest grand daughter who is now 15 said he tried to touch her when she put her legs on his chest. He volunteered DNA. All 4 extra came back negative,but her and her cousin made a video to the police of sexual abuse when they were younger. Some of the dates didn't match because we were not even in the state. Anyways, his lawyer would not talk to me or answer my letter. I had come back to Florida because our family has been torn apart. None of his siblings ever want anything to do with him. His lawyer convinced him to take a plea deal so he would get less time. She never even brought up his mental health until it was over. The judge told him if he wanted her to look at his mental health, he would have to stay In county 8 more months. Of course he said no. He asked to see a psychiatrist, because his nana, my mom, and he were very close. She died 2 weeks prior to his arrest. It has been over a year and he has yet to see anyone. It hurts him that I am all he has. He doesn't exactly understand what is going on, much less registering and all the legalities. He always asks how his siblings are and says he misses rthem. It breaks my heart.