My talk with God

Living in NJ has a couple perks,  not a lot...but a couple.  One of them is the ocean.
I went to one of the beaches the other night,  the moon was bright, slight breeze, and unusually warmer for this time of year.  Looking out toward the horizon where the water and sky meet, i cant help but think this is where god will listen to me.
I started with of course everyones favorite job/ money situation.  I asked for his help.  I told him i need his help to attract opportunities.  I told him i wanted to live comfortably with extra in the bank.  I told him the fustration living day to day is not desirable anymore.  I then felt at ease then set that aside.
 
I asked him to help me find someone to share my life with. Someone who would love me as much as i loved them.  Someone to hold hands with and express the love we have while walking along this sandy beach.  To express the thing that is closest to heaven here on earth.
I told him i didnt want to be alone anymore. I told him theres needs to be fullfilled. I told him that i would put it in his hands and not take it back. That i would keep working on myself to be able to receive this person when the time has come.  I told him i would keep doing things, going places not expecting to have someone fall from the sky into my arms.  I told him how i loved his planet and most of the people on it.
Ive felt the feeling of sharing life with someone before.  I long for that again. There are some women that i could be with to fill the voids but the feelings arnt there.  I want the wholeness, the complete ebb and flow of emotions.  I suffer from depression, addictions, self neglect,  thats all changing for the better.  I know that its gonna take an understanding woman to deal with some of my stuff, but what i can give back i know will be well worth it.    So for now we keep changing for the better,  keep reminding myself to not take it back no matter how much it hurts.  We have the faith, weve seen it work before,  there is proof

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beachside
beachside

I have enjoyed reading your journal. hugs