My trip

I definitely had a lot of ups and downs on this trip. The first few days consisted of a lot of un pleasant and really nasty conversations about our future...or lack of it. I think really far ahead and try to plan for stuff while he's barely thinking about whats going to happen next week. 
I'm so emotionally torn and drained. I'm so sad to have had to say goodbye to him today. I usually don't mind long goodbye's, in fact I prefer them but today I wanted so bad not to cry right there. I just hugged him twice said goodbye and walked away. I hated it. I hate spending ten days with him and just feeling at home and like I belong there, with him and then having to leave and go back to months without seeing him. I honestly would rather him be in the military because at least then who knows if he'd even get deployed and if he did I knew it would be over and we'd be together again but this is just awful.
Seeing him for such a sort time and having such a wonderful time too. Being able to sleep in the same bed and wake up next to the person I love, when now I'm all alone. All alone again in my apartment with my cat and netflix being the only things here for me. I don't even have friends, I can't even make friends on this website...that's especially made for people supporting each other. I can't even do this right. 
I just want to be happy. I live in a place I don't belong but I can't leave because if I do I'll never get my degree. if I move out to Texas to be with Mitch I'm giving up my life and I can't do that. Unfortunately for the time being I just have to sacrifice my happiness.