my story.. (triger warning)

ive been affraid to say anything about this. ive tried to report. i told my friends but they dont know the whole story. when i was a freshman in high school i got addicted to painkillers,and many other drugs. i went to a public school my junior year and i meet a girl that i became good friends with. i was looking for cocaine and she new someone. he wasnt that cute but he was very nice to me and it made me like him. i now know i should have ran when i had the chance. we did drugs together, laughed, had fun. i didnt remember what really happened tilln later on. when i meet jon i wasnt the type of girl to sleep with anybody. i was discused with myself. he slowly became more of an asshole to me when i would tell him "no i dont wanna have sex with you" but he didnt care we would get fucked up and next thing i remember my clothes on the ground. i didnt know what to think of it and i told my best friend. he was so made someone had done that to me. i slowly relized that he had been raping me the whole time. he had done it for months on end, but i had know idea cause i hated being sober. i wanted to go through life not rememberiung how sad i was that day. depression took over my life when i was 10 it got worse when my best friend matt killed himself. i felt lost ever since not a day goes by where i dont text his mom or his old number abouyt things todayi miss him everyday. at 10 i started cutting and i havnt stoped since ill stoop here and there but neber trully haveand then 14 i  found drugs to make me okay for a few hours a day.and then 17 i was with someone who woukld get me hugh and rape me cause i didnt want to be alone. i blocked him when it finally got through my head. he came to my house and held me down and raped me again. today .. 2 years later... he still trys to contact me. and i stay away. keep my life more privet..... this year i met a boy named mason. i feel in love ....hes the first boy ive been wuth since even tho he broke up with me i still lover him and he willl always have a spot in my heart.. he stilll tells me he loves me . i belive him i just wish and hope we can be together again someday.. but i just want him to be happy.