My Story Page 8.Trust Your Gut...

It has been a bit over a year since my nightmare began. Those first few weeks the fog remained heavy. I could barely put one foot in front of the other. I remained in shock and was sinking deeper into depression. I still held out hope for our family. After "X" moved out he kept returning to fix up things around the house. He continued to say we were working together. He appeared to be in a state of elation. Just so happy. Each time he came home my emotional pain would intensify. I would be thinking crazy things like "you say we are working together so why not just stay together and work on our marriage?" I would later find out why. I would later find out many things that happened over the years that amaze me. How could I have been so blind you ask? To answer that question I have to go back to the man I thought I married. The man I put my trust in and thought I knew. A man who claimed he wanted to serve God and who would do his best to follow Christ's teachings. So over the years when I found his excuses for being out late a bit questionable I would just think."There is no way he is doing anything wrong because he was a man of God". I would tell myself that I was being too suspicious and ridiculous. Well all I have to say about that, today, is please go with your gut. It may be trying to tell you something. Don't second guess yourself.I remember the turning point for me. It was actually two things that made the lightbulb go off that he was not truly my friend as he kept saying. The first was that "X" had come over to do some work. I was in the house when he first came in. I did not say anything when he walked in I was in tears, which had become an hourly occurrence. He was oblivious to my pain and excitedly spoke about a race he had been in and how he did not have his salt tablets and how much he missed them. I just sat there in stunned amazement that he could be so cold and clueless. The second was that either earlier that day or a day or so before my neighbor questioned my thinking. He was aware of the fact that "X" was promising to be my friend and that he continued to come over to "help" me. He said Kathy this just does not feel right. My vision became slightly clearer and I could see I was placing my hope in an empty dream, a dying dream. (Later my vision would become clearer still. I am finding out things on a regular basis that make me feel my vision will never be 20/20) That was the last day I saw X except for Caleb's birthday party, court dates, depositions, and mediation. It was for the best.

I am no longer in a fog. I still continue to recover and give it to God. I still have a way to go but I am on a much better path and enjoy my life.My advice for you..If he is doing this to you he is not your friend.Get control of your bank account.Turn to your friends. Talk to God and remember he is with you.See a Dr for some medication if you need to.I did.Don't sign anything. Hire an attorney.Remember this is not the end of your life just a new chapter and you will be happy again:-)"May your unfailing love rest upon us Lord. Even as we put our hope in you"Psalm 33:20-22
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