My Story

I think maybe if I type it all out I may have some relief, and if I pick up advice or a "I know what you mean, I'm here for ya" along the way I'll be grateful. It all started when a new neighbor moved in right across from me. He was so polite, always friendly, and happy ALL THE TIME. With time and comfortability he began to ask me for rides to the liquor store for a drink every now and then. The need for rides became more constant, and he would offer $20 in gas to go 10 minutes down the road. Awhile after he started to ask for rides to the hospital, which I later learned was for DT's. A million rides down the road, things got worse and I got more involved. He was so sweet and innocent, and I felt terrible for him since he had no one ever to help and support him. 

I decided to stay with him one visit at the ER to keep me from running back and forth from my house to the hospital. He had been on a 3 week binge (a fifth of vodka and a 6 pack of beer gone every two days). While in the hospital, he was going through seizures, sweats, hallucinations, etc. He prayed to God, apologizing for what he had done, and seeing him at that weak point alone and scared broke my heart. I decided I was going to be there for him and help him from that point on. He ended up in ICU on that trip, and you could see the fear in his eyes. I came every day to check on him and comfort him. In all of this time, somehow between the beeping machines, rude nurses, and terrible hospital smell we fell in love. 

We became inseperable! He got back on track, started working again, etc and one day it just happened. A few weeks down the road I could tell he had been drinking, but this time he didn't ask me for a ride to the liquor store; He had walked to the dollar store and purchased mouth wash. It broke my heart, but he thought he was hiding it oh so well. To cut this long story short, he did this several more times. He would get hospitalized and sober, then get back on his feet working, and fall off the wagon again. At this point, I was so invested not only in him, but his mother, son, father, friends, etc. They had given me the horror stories and said they had given up on trying to help him after all the years. 

Well I had enough and gave him a choice.... Me or alcohol (awful I know) and he chose me and straightened up. He got a great job, stayed sober, got an even better job, we moved into a new home together, he just continuted to progress. When things went bad, we would talk; when he had a craving, we would talk. His family praised me for helping him get and stay sober. They were all so relieved!! Life was wonderful. 7 months went by and we decided to have a drink together to try and introduce controlled drinking since he had done so well (I STILL HATE MYSELF FOR THIS)!!! He snuck behind my back and got plastered, treated me like I was worthless all night (drunk talk), and finally after hours of yelling at me he passed out. I recorded 45 minutes of him threatening to bash my head in the wall, etc. When he sobered up I made him sit and listen to it, which he ended up crying to (first time he cried). He apologized saying it would never happen again, etc. Next day he begged me for 2-3 hours for a drink, of course I refused. He then from that point to my knowledge stayed sober for 9 months.

We got married, things were wonderful and I had complete trust in him. After months of trying to have a baby, I finally got pregnant. Life couldn't be better, he was what most women would call 'Mr. Perfect' in every aspect of the term. He worked his ass off, stayed sober, treated me like precious gold, made everyone he came in contact with smile and laugh; I mean PERFECT (to me). I helped him get his license back (ticket from 13 years back - mistake on courts side) and then it happened. 

Present day.... here I am 7 months pregnant. I can't trust him to go to work and come back home without stopping and buying something to drink. The last few times it was beer, but today coming home smelling like MOUTHWASH!!! My problem... He denies and lies and interrogates ME!!! What makes you think I have been drinking? How do you know? Why are you accusing me of something you don't have facts for? How do you think I am buying it? is what happens when I say anything. Last week he finally admitted to ONE time, because I was able to dig up enough proof of how I know, the others he "didn't do". 

I remind him I'm not clueless and I have seen him drunk many times before. The smell, the way his eyes change, the way he talks, how he changes his language (cursing), etc. When you have a happy go lucky, NEVER complains, sweet guy I think it's apparent when that said person drinks since they turn into a raging a**hole. I am trying to grow this baby as strong and as healthy as I can, but it's nothing but stress now. His entire family has NO idea he started drinking again or ever touched it again since he got sober 9 months before we married. 

I'm alone, I have NO ONE to talk to, turn to, etc. God, I didn't want to get on here and write a book, because I know everyone has their own problems. I can't help it; I have so much rage, frustration, sadness and that doesn't even include my hormones. I can't provide evidential proof for him drinking today, but I know I am done. I was raised in a home where my step father was (and still is) an alcoholic. I hated everyday of being there, and couldn't wait to get out. I watched my Mom get emotionally beaten down every day of her life. She never knew what was around the corner, and always upset. I REFUSE to put my daughter through what I went through. She will be here in a few short months, so he is either going to cut the BS and straighten up or live without us. 

He has the best of a job, a loving caring wife, a daughter on the way, no debt, no stress, but he chose to do this again. He has no reason to fall back on PERIOD! There's no excuse for putting your pregnant wife through hell. He tries to act like nothing ever happens and he's not been drinking. He told me 30 minutes before he went to bed (an hour ago) that I should just put a bullet through my head, then pretended it was a joke. 

This is not my husband, this is not my loving house anymore, this is ONE FED UP, PISSED OFF, DEPRESSED PREGNANT LADY who doesn't know what to say or do. 

I'm sorry for the length, this is the first time I'm able to spill all of this out, and I spared all the lengthy details and side BS.