My story

It took us 14 months to get pregnant. I dealt with the normal amount of morning sickness and early sciatica in the first trimester. Nothing out of the ordinary. The first sonogram showed a blob that drs finally determined to be a cyst. The cyst disappeared shortly after that. 

I had the panagram test and everything was completely normal.

I felt my baby kick very early on and he was very strong. We nicknamed him bam-bam. He was very active. 

Second trimister I started some Braxton-Hicks again nothing crazy all completely normal. 

Third trimester I started back with the sciatica and then was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I was able to keep it diet controlled. 

Other than all of that, my pregnancy and my baby were completely healthy.

At 36 1/2 weeks pregnant I put my 5 year old on the bus then went to take a nap. When I woke up a few hours later, I ate some eggs and orange juice. I noticed a half hour later I hadn’t felt him move. My baby that I was ready to sign up for acrobats hadn’t moved since I woke up an hour earlier. I called my husband he told me to call dr. Dr said maybe baby is sleeping but go to hospital. I took my 5 year old and walked right in passing the registration office. They hooked me up and then tried to find the heartbeat no luck. They got the sonogram machine also no luck finding heartbeat. At this point my husband was on his way I’m getting really scared and crying a little my 5 year old is trying to comfort me. My husband and the official sonographer come in at the same time. The sonographer find the heart and start the scan. She didn’t say anything just looked at the nurse and shook her head no. I screamed hysterically. At some point the nurses took my son out and entertained him. I don’t know how long I cried/screamed. 

Once I calmed down we were able to get someone to pick up my 5 year old. The dr came in and gave us the option to either induce now induce later or go home. My husband and I decided to induce asap. The first hardest decision of my life. I wanted so badly to just avoid the whole situation, I wanted so badly to not have to deal with the most traumatic experience of my life. I knew that it wasn’t going to get any easier by waiting. I knew it would only get harder by waiting. 

Time was all a blur. The dr inserted 1 tablet manually then another 4 hours later. I was fully dialated and was in extreme pain. Dr said she can give me enough pain killers that I could wait and maybe rest a little bit or a little bit so I can start pushing. Somehow this is the second hardest decision. I chose to take a lot of pain relief so I could rest. By the time the nurse came back with the medicine, I knew it was time so I only ended up taking a little bit. My beautiful angel was stillborn at 630 am Saturday November 4 2017. 

I knew that I wanted to hold him right away, my husband was hesitant. I held him and it felt so natural it was hard to believe he wasn’t there and that I was just holding his shell. My husband held him and realized that it was a good idea. We kept him in our room the whole time we stayed in the hospital which was only 1 night post delivery. The dr suggested that we leave a day early since everything went well with the delivery but I think it was because my baby was starting to deteriorate. Had I stayed I wouldn’t have been able to give up the baby. I held him as much as I could, so did my husband, his parents and my parents. I even had my 5 year old son hold him with assistance. 

We named him Frank Gabriel. He was baptized and buried in a catholic cemetery. We are completely heartbroken and miss him immensely.