My Story

I have a long story about depression.
It all started way back when I was just becoming a teenager. I had one really good friend, but besides that I was bullied by just about everyone. My one good friend began cutting. She confided in me. I admired this friend to the point that I started cutting. But, as it turned out, I the feeling. I had some family problems and cutting became the solution.
Before high school, I had moved out of state with my family. This was my fresh start, right? Nope. I moved to a highly depressed town and, as you may know, depressed teens tend to cling to one another. This isn't always a bad thing, but for me, I couldn't handle the additional stress. I evolved to having major depression only a year after the move. My cutting had progressed to a daily activity. The normal ups and downs of high school felt escalated to me. I would isolate myself to avoid all of the stuff that I was surrounded by: dead friends, hurting other friends, problems with my father and a weak mother. I contemplated suicide a lot around this time. I had a few minor attempts, but nothing was a true try. This major depression never left. But the way that depression works is that I'm not sad every second of the day, it comes and goes. But it's an overall unhappy feeling most of the time.
When I was 17, I met, who would soon become, my husband. He was actually my boss at my high school job, but I spent ten hours a week just bonding alone with him. Eventually we became very good friends and then we started dating. Things became serious very quickly. After just a few months, we talked a lot about marriage and children. Nothing felt rushed though. In my eyes, my husband is perfect. And he created a future for me that I couldn't wait for. I was becoming a little bit happier each day with him.
When I was 18, I left home. This further strained the relationship with my parents, but the distance from them made me feel better. I told my father I would maintain a relationship with him, though much more minimal. I became pregnant with my son, Judah. This made a relationship with my father nearly impossible, considering he was the bulk of my depression at this point because high school problems were over.
My husband continues to maintain a relationship between my father and my son, but I no longer speak to my father. Recently, my depressed feelings are coming back. It's really hard to be the mother I want to be for Judah with constant negative thoughts racing through my brain. My husband just isn't able to cheer me up this time because he's always busy either with the baby or at work.
I have just felt really alone lately. I feel like theres no one who understands me anymore. And my husband is no longer my getaway person. I have noticed myself isolating myself again. I just feel like I'm back in high school. I'm doing my best not to cut for my son, but, if there are any cutters out there, it's an immensely difficult thing to stop.
I'm sorry that my story isn't great. But I thought you all should just know how I am at least.