My Story...
It all started 4 years ago... when i was 11. I lived in England and was very happy with my life, one day, my parents felt that they had to move to Malawi, a country in Africa, to help orphans. I was torn. I had to say goodbye to everything... My home, family members, friends... every little thing I ever loved. I was so sad and completely against going to this new alien country. But we moved there none the less...
I met a family here the day i arrived. They were so kind. They were even brittish like me, i could totally relate to them. After a year, they were my closest friend. My best friends. They were so amazing, and slowly, I started to feel like i belonged here. I didnt feel left out, i had a great house, friends... life was good. I was even pretty close with a girl in that family... Then came the day.... one of the worst days ever. They left. They had to move back to England. Once again. I was torn apart. They were the only friends i had here. The only people i didnt feel lonely with. I could be in a room full of people and feel lonely... but not with them, they were incredible... but they left.... I was all alone... I felt like i had lost everything.
1 Year later... just as i was starting to feel better about life... My closest sister left me... to go back to england, she was finally old enough to escape this place... It might not seem like much, but it hurt like hell... :/
After another year. I feel broken. But then i met this girl. She saved me from depression. She was my hero... after some time, we got pretty close, eventually i just couldnt keep it inside of me anymore!!! It told her how much i loved her, how special she made me feel and how important she is to me, she was so shocked!! i thought i had blown it!! But then she turned to me and said. Joel. I love you too :) It was amazing!! I had never felt better in my whole life. A girl actually loved ME!! not some other guy. me! I was so happy. I didnt feel lonely, i started to make more friends because of her. but then... something must of happened.. im not sure. after 8 months. she just.... stopped loving me. i didnt do anything wrong, i was so loyal and true to her! never cheated her once. I couldnt even think of being with another girl, the thought made me sick. I was begging her to tell me why. crying my eyes out.... she just turned away... and said.. "i just dont love you like i used to" I was blown away... i could even speak. My eyes were wet. i just cried... and she walked away.. for the 4th time... my heart was crushed. She doesnt even talk to me anymore. I have lost everything. She was really all i had and wanted, and just like that. she was gone. She told me i'd survive, but really, i didnt want to survive without her. I cry myself to sleep everynight. But i have no chance, i cant win her back. But it doesnt change the fact that i love her.
Even my new found friends are becomeing distant... i have no one left. Im... broken. And it hurts so much. I feel so lonely every second of the day. I cant take this anymore!!! I don't see people that can speak my language.. like... never!! Im alone. I have no friends. No girl that i love... no life. Im lost... and it hurts more than i can explain. :( Im 15 now. This is my story :/ any advise? :(
I met a family here the day i arrived. They were so kind. They were even brittish like me, i could totally relate to them. After a year, they were my closest friend. My best friends. They were so amazing, and slowly, I started to feel like i belonged here. I didnt feel left out, i had a great house, friends... life was good. I was even pretty close with a girl in that family... Then came the day.... one of the worst days ever. They left. They had to move back to England. Once again. I was torn apart. They were the only friends i had here. The only people i didnt feel lonely with. I could be in a room full of people and feel lonely... but not with them, they were incredible... but they left.... I was all alone... I felt like i had lost everything.
1 Year later... just as i was starting to feel better about life... My closest sister left me... to go back to england, she was finally old enough to escape this place... It might not seem like much, but it hurt like hell... :/
After another year. I feel broken. But then i met this girl. She saved me from depression. She was my hero... after some time, we got pretty close, eventually i just couldnt keep it inside of me anymore!!! It told her how much i loved her, how special she made me feel and how important she is to me, she was so shocked!! i thought i had blown it!! But then she turned to me and said. Joel. I love you too :) It was amazing!! I had never felt better in my whole life. A girl actually loved ME!! not some other guy. me! I was so happy. I didnt feel lonely, i started to make more friends because of her. but then... something must of happened.. im not sure. after 8 months. she just.... stopped loving me. i didnt do anything wrong, i was so loyal and true to her! never cheated her once. I couldnt even think of being with another girl, the thought made me sick. I was begging her to tell me why. crying my eyes out.... she just turned away... and said.. "i just dont love you like i used to" I was blown away... i could even speak. My eyes were wet. i just cried... and she walked away.. for the 4th time... my heart was crushed. She doesnt even talk to me anymore. I have lost everything. She was really all i had and wanted, and just like that. she was gone. She told me i'd survive, but really, i didnt want to survive without her. I cry myself to sleep everynight. But i have no chance, i cant win her back. But it doesnt change the fact that i love her.
Even my new found friends are becomeing distant... i have no one left. Im... broken. And it hurts so much. I feel so lonely every second of the day. I cant take this anymore!!! I don't see people that can speak my language.. like... never!! Im alone. I have no friends. No girl that i love... no life. Im lost... and it hurts more than i can explain. :( Im 15 now. This is my story :/ any advise? :(
Replies
You\'ll get though it. Someday you\'ll be old enough to move away and have more friends and more relationships, it\'ll happen just keep reminding yourself that
Thanks I guess :/ I just feel so lonely right now...
Yes, I do have some advice for you.
I think maybe you are just learning that everything in life does not last forever. Sooner or later things go away, and u have no control over it sometimes. And it seems like each of these situations, you had no control over any of them. And that makes it much harder to accept. But it is ok that u couldn\'t do anything about those things because, sometimes u r not suppose to. Your job is just to \"accept\" that a lot of times things wont go the way you would like them to. That\'s why it is important for u to keep searching for the things in life that make \"u\" happy, that fulfill \"you\". You know, the things that no body can ever ever take from u, the things that don\'t leave u. Like,, your interests, things u like to do to be involved in even if you do those things by yourself without people. Your talents, like, maybe you like to play musical instruments; or sports or build things like wood construction work, or work on cars. These are all things that if u like or love doing them, it doesn\'t matter if someone else is doing them with u. And you can replace those feelings of lonliness with, the things u like to do, that way, you can get over and get past the painful things that have happened to you, to where one day, you will be able to be in love with someone else. This does not mean u have to stop loving the girl u lost. What u do with her is, you just move her over to the side of your heart, far enough away, that you will have plenty of room in your heart for a new girl. That\'s what I\'ve had to do. It\'s been 31 years and i still love a man I wanted to spend my whole life with and can\'t. He crosses my path every few years or so for the past 31 years now, and it is very painful for both of us to walk away, but we know we have to. So i do know how deep that kind of whailing crying pain goes. I even had a nervous breakdown that lasted 7 years over that man I could not live my life with. I\'m over it now, and I know I will always love him. I have learned to move him over to the side of my heart to make room for a different man for me to fall in love with. And I keep him private, tucked away in my heart, just for \"me\". And I think everyone needs to have that \"love privacy\" to help get them thru the rough times, especially when there is no one else around. Maybe that\'s what u r suppose to do with this girl you love so much.
You have to work \"with\" the loneliness and not \"against\" it, by telling yourself that it is ok to feel lonly. We\'re suppose to sometimes. It gives us a chance to meet up and make friends with people who are also struggling with loneliness. Since I no longer work \"against\" feeling lonly, it\'s not as bad as it use to be, and I have no one. No family (but 1 niece I email at times) and i have no face to face friends. Out here all by myself. Depending only on God to meet everything I need. And He does.
if u feel alone then just make a facebook. make new friends and it might make u happier. or if ur really down and u feel like ur the only one, then go on fml.com :) it willl make u feel like ur not the only one with problems.
Everyone goes through a love affairs that do not pan out the way we want them to. You are totally normal. Look around DS...people much older than you are whining about how they are a victim of WHAT IS. You can choose to be a victim or you ca choose to be empowered but what you can not do is control others.
Change is inevitable, Suffering is optional. Yes you are alone more now but that is YOUR choice. Lonliness is YOUR CHOICE. See already how powerful you are? You are making choices. You are inhereting the power of the world. Now what are you going to do with power? Waste it away in depression and lonliness? Or go out and meet new people and start new adverntures?
Your life in Africa can be the greatest blessing a man cub can have. Or it can be pain and agony. Which ever path you choose just remember that YOU are the creator of which experience you have.
The world is not happening TO you it is happening FOR you.
That girl firend you had was your first...there will be others. Each have things to teach you about yourself. Enjoy the journey and do not ever decide to be a victim of it.
Joel,
I\'m so sorry about all of that moving. It really takes a toll on someone. I moved 4 times in Elementary School and twice during my high school life. The thing about moving though is that you have friends all over the world, and it\'s a really great thing to think about. You\'ll also make new friends where you live now, if you haven\'t already (:
As for the breakup, please try and move on! I see sooo many good looking, beautiful-hearted people on here everyday dealing with breakups (including you!) and I just want them to find happiness.
Much luck, hope, and prayers,
~~ Drew (:
You won\'t always feel like that i promise its wrong what that girl is doing to you she shouldn\'t ignore you she should tell you the reason why but there will be so many other girls and you will find the one that\'s right for you just keep an open mind okay don\'t let it get to you.
I\'m so sorry to hear you had to go through all of that, and in such a short time span. That\'s terrible, you seem like a great person and I can\'t imagine what that girl must\'ve been thinking. I have lost a lot of people I\'ve been close to without warning throughout my life -- first my father, then my best friends, boyfriends, etc -- and almost all of them without any warning. It\'s such a terrible thing to go through, I would never wish such a thing on anyone. it\'s hard enough to trust someone enough to let them in, and then they just up and leave you with no explanation? It\'s unbearable. Something that I finally found that helped me was when one day I realized it had nothing to do with me. It sounds like the silliest and most obvious of things, but to me it wasn\'t. I never thought much about it but somewhere deep inside I blamed myself. When I started realizing that it had nothing to do with me at all -- they weren\'t trying to hurt me, I probably didn\'t do anything wrong, they simply made what they thought was the best choice for them at the time (usually meaning they met someone they connected with better or something like that, it probably had absolutely nothing to do with you)...I don\'t know if this helps you at all, but try to believe it -- none of this is your fault. I can\'t tell you when, or even how, but things WILL get better, and you\'ll be a much stronger person because of all this. Hang in there. *hugs*