My story
I have known my husband my whole life. My mom and his mom went to college together and have been lifelong friends. His mother is my Godmother and my mother is his sister's Godmother. He lived in Chicago and I lived in NY, but our families got together as often as we could. There was always something special between us, but being so far apart, nothing ever came of it. He got married, then I got married. He had a daughter with his wife. But we were both in unhappy, bad marriages. I got separated from my husband, and he got separated from his wife about six months later. We had been out of touch for years, but we reconnected over our shared divorce experiences. It wasn't long before we realized how perfect we were for each other, we were madly in love and I was packing up my life and moving half-way across the country to be with him. He needed to be near his daughter and I had been looking to get out of NY for some time. We got married April 2009 and have been so happy ever since.
We officially started trying for a baby when I got my period back in January after being on Depo. I wanted nothing more than to be a mother, and he was ready to be a Daddy again. Using a the FAM method suggested to me by a friend who had used it to conceive, we got our first BFP in April. It was actually on our wedding anniversary. We were so excited. I hadn't thought it would happen this quickly or be this easy, since I had been on birth control for like 13 years. I had gotten the BFP a few days before my period was due. Then, one day after my period was due, I started bleeding. Lots of clots, scary stuff. Went to the doctor, the pregnancy test they did was barely positive. They ran hcg tests and two days later got the results. I will never forget that phone call. I'm sorry, but your hcg levels have dropped. You had a very early miscarriage, called a chemical pregnancy. But don't worry. It is very common and the chances of a healthy pregnancy next time around are great.
This was hard, but we had only know for like a week that I was pregnant, so we recovered fairly quickly, gave it a month and started trying again. With high hopes. It took my body a few months to get back to normal, and I started taking vitamin b6 because it seemed like I was having short luteal phases. My doctor had said to give it about three more months of trying after the chemical with using ovulation predictors before we would look into possible fertility issues/treatments. We actually decided to give it an extra month, and give it one more shot before perusing any fertility treatments.
And low and behold, I got pregnant that last cycle. This time felt different too. I actually waited until my missed period to take the test, since we had tested so early with the chemical. It was so strongly positive, unlike the first. And I so many more symptoms, more intensely. I had known I was pregnant before I took the test. We were so excited, but cautiously optimistic since the chemical pregnancy. Things were going well, I saw my doctor at 6 weeks and all looked good. Back at 8 weeks for another good check up. He did not want to do a sonogram until about 20 weeks because there were no issues. This felt weird to me, I really wanted to see that little bean and get visual confirmation that I was pregnant, but I went with the flow. No problems, I should be happy. Scheduled my sonogram for Dec 30th, scheduled an appointment with an endocrinologist to monitor my under active thyroid per OB's recommendation.
Things were going great. Lots of pregnancy symptoms, even some morning sickness kicking in around 8 weeks, which I took as a good sign. Then I had a bout of diarrhea on Monday Oct 11, and another on Fri Oct 15. Assumed it was my wonky digestive system from being pregnant. Hubby and I also had sex on Fri 10/15. Saturday I had the tiniest bit of brown spotting when I wiped. Assumed it was from a sensitive cervix since I had sex and the intestinal issue. It stopped pretty quickly and I put it out of my mind. Until hubby and I had sex again Tues 10/19. Slight pink spotting Wed 10/20 again. This time I called my doctor just to be safe, actually to put my mind at ease, assuming they would say it was nothing.
Told the nurse, she spoke to doctor and called me back to tell me I needed to come in asap today for a sonogram. No problem. I assumed they were being overly cautious and I would finally get a glimpse of the baby. Called hubby and he left work to meet me. The sonogram was torture. They made me drink 32 ounces of water in on hour, and my bladder was so overfull that I was having kidney pain. And by the time I got in to the sonogram, it was way too full to see anything. After emptying like three times, the tech finally had me empty fully (seriously??) and she had to do a trans vaginal.
I was so thrown off from the bladder issues, that I should have known something was wrong. She took a lot of pictures, but did not show me anything, did not call my husband in the room. Then she sent me out and said the doctor would talk with us.
It was not my regular doctor. Some guy with a mustache that I had never met. Looking somber, with a horrifying picture from the sonogram that I wish I hadn't looked at, telling us that he was very sorry, but there was no heartbeat. Our baby had died, a few days ago. It's nothing we did, probably some chromosomal abnormality, blah blah blah. He recommended a D & C, which I scheduled as soon as possible, as I could not even imagine the alternative.
Went home in total shock, numb with grief and confusion. Everything had been fine. No signs of miscarriage. How could this be happening.
Somehow we made it through the night (I hardly slept though), to the D & C the next day. Nervousness of the impending medical procedure got us through ok. Everything went fine, home by 3 pm.
We had unfortunately told a lot of people, being so excited, so lucky for me my husband stepped up and took care of all of the phone calls. I know how hard that was for him, and it really helped me get through it, not having to tell anyone myself. I told him how awesome he was and we had a good cry together.
Yesterday, one day post- D & C was ok. Tired and still felt fuzzy from the drugs. Stayed home from work to rest, but even went out to dinner to feel more human. Then last night I started having some strong upper abdominal pain, making it impossible for me to lay down/sleep. Hubby made me a nest of pillows and was finally able to get to sleep on my back all propped up. This morning felt a little better. Then took my post-op anti-bleeding medicine again (Methergine) and abdominal pain came back with some weird chest tightness. Made it through with rest and heat until next dose and still having the pains. Trying not to freak out, deciding whether to call doctor or not. Luckily it is now easing, and I am done taking the med. If not better by tomorrow, will call doctor.
So here I am, all alone. I sent hubby out with some friends, because I know he needed it. He needs to be distracted and social to cope. I need to be alone and not have to deal with people. I had a really rotten day. Just really thrown off by the unexpected physical symptoms, and wondering how much of it may be emotionally/psychologically induced. I guess I need to get used to this roller coaster, because every time I feel like I might be starting to feel better, it gets worse.
I am just so sad. I was so excited, the timing was so perfect for us. Hubby just got a new, better paying job, we just moved into a bigger house, it was a good time for me to take off from work, I was so looking forward to being pregnant over the winter and having a spring baby. It just seems so unfair. And now of course I am wondering what is wrong with me, with two losses in a row. I am scared that we will never be able to have a baby. I am so very very sure that we were meant to be together, meant to be parents together. I can't fathom the idea that it may never happen.
I know it is still a very fresh loss. I know that things will get better with time. They always do. But right now my heart is broken. Maybe that is what this chest pain is.
We officially started trying for a baby when I got my period back in January after being on Depo. I wanted nothing more than to be a mother, and he was ready to be a Daddy again. Using a the FAM method suggested to me by a friend who had used it to conceive, we got our first BFP in April. It was actually on our wedding anniversary. We were so excited. I hadn't thought it would happen this quickly or be this easy, since I had been on birth control for like 13 years. I had gotten the BFP a few days before my period was due. Then, one day after my period was due, I started bleeding. Lots of clots, scary stuff. Went to the doctor, the pregnancy test they did was barely positive. They ran hcg tests and two days later got the results. I will never forget that phone call. I'm sorry, but your hcg levels have dropped. You had a very early miscarriage, called a chemical pregnancy. But don't worry. It is very common and the chances of a healthy pregnancy next time around are great.
This was hard, but we had only know for like a week that I was pregnant, so we recovered fairly quickly, gave it a month and started trying again. With high hopes. It took my body a few months to get back to normal, and I started taking vitamin b6 because it seemed like I was having short luteal phases. My doctor had said to give it about three more months of trying after the chemical with using ovulation predictors before we would look into possible fertility issues/treatments. We actually decided to give it an extra month, and give it one more shot before perusing any fertility treatments.
And low and behold, I got pregnant that last cycle. This time felt different too. I actually waited until my missed period to take the test, since we had tested so early with the chemical. It was so strongly positive, unlike the first. And I so many more symptoms, more intensely. I had known I was pregnant before I took the test. We were so excited, but cautiously optimistic since the chemical pregnancy. Things were going well, I saw my doctor at 6 weeks and all looked good. Back at 8 weeks for another good check up. He did not want to do a sonogram until about 20 weeks because there were no issues. This felt weird to me, I really wanted to see that little bean and get visual confirmation that I was pregnant, but I went with the flow. No problems, I should be happy. Scheduled my sonogram for Dec 30th, scheduled an appointment with an endocrinologist to monitor my under active thyroid per OB's recommendation.
Things were going great. Lots of pregnancy symptoms, even some morning sickness kicking in around 8 weeks, which I took as a good sign. Then I had a bout of diarrhea on Monday Oct 11, and another on Fri Oct 15. Assumed it was my wonky digestive system from being pregnant. Hubby and I also had sex on Fri 10/15. Saturday I had the tiniest bit of brown spotting when I wiped. Assumed it was from a sensitive cervix since I had sex and the intestinal issue. It stopped pretty quickly and I put it out of my mind. Until hubby and I had sex again Tues 10/19. Slight pink spotting Wed 10/20 again. This time I called my doctor just to be safe, actually to put my mind at ease, assuming they would say it was nothing.
Told the nurse, she spoke to doctor and called me back to tell me I needed to come in asap today for a sonogram. No problem. I assumed they were being overly cautious and I would finally get a glimpse of the baby. Called hubby and he left work to meet me. The sonogram was torture. They made me drink 32 ounces of water in on hour, and my bladder was so overfull that I was having kidney pain. And by the time I got in to the sonogram, it was way too full to see anything. After emptying like three times, the tech finally had me empty fully (seriously??) and she had to do a trans vaginal.
I was so thrown off from the bladder issues, that I should have known something was wrong. She took a lot of pictures, but did not show me anything, did not call my husband in the room. Then she sent me out and said the doctor would talk with us.
It was not my regular doctor. Some guy with a mustache that I had never met. Looking somber, with a horrifying picture from the sonogram that I wish I hadn't looked at, telling us that he was very sorry, but there was no heartbeat. Our baby had died, a few days ago. It's nothing we did, probably some chromosomal abnormality, blah blah blah. He recommended a D & C, which I scheduled as soon as possible, as I could not even imagine the alternative.
Went home in total shock, numb with grief and confusion. Everything had been fine. No signs of miscarriage. How could this be happening.
Somehow we made it through the night (I hardly slept though), to the D & C the next day. Nervousness of the impending medical procedure got us through ok. Everything went fine, home by 3 pm.
We had unfortunately told a lot of people, being so excited, so lucky for me my husband stepped up and took care of all of the phone calls. I know how hard that was for him, and it really helped me get through it, not having to tell anyone myself. I told him how awesome he was and we had a good cry together.
Yesterday, one day post- D & C was ok. Tired and still felt fuzzy from the drugs. Stayed home from work to rest, but even went out to dinner to feel more human. Then last night I started having some strong upper abdominal pain, making it impossible for me to lay down/sleep. Hubby made me a nest of pillows and was finally able to get to sleep on my back all propped up. This morning felt a little better. Then took my post-op anti-bleeding medicine again (Methergine) and abdominal pain came back with some weird chest tightness. Made it through with rest and heat until next dose and still having the pains. Trying not to freak out, deciding whether to call doctor or not. Luckily it is now easing, and I am done taking the med. If not better by tomorrow, will call doctor.
So here I am, all alone. I sent hubby out with some friends, because I know he needed it. He needs to be distracted and social to cope. I need to be alone and not have to deal with people. I had a really rotten day. Just really thrown off by the unexpected physical symptoms, and wondering how much of it may be emotionally/psychologically induced. I guess I need to get used to this roller coaster, because every time I feel like I might be starting to feel better, it gets worse.
I am just so sad. I was so excited, the timing was so perfect for us. Hubby just got a new, better paying job, we just moved into a bigger house, it was a good time for me to take off from work, I was so looking forward to being pregnant over the winter and having a spring baby. It just seems so unfair. And now of course I am wondering what is wrong with me, with two losses in a row. I am scared that we will never be able to have a baby. I am so very very sure that we were meant to be together, meant to be parents together. I can't fathom the idea that it may never happen.
I know it is still a very fresh loss. I know that things will get better with time. They always do. But right now my heart is broken. Maybe that is what this chest pain is.
Replies
Thank You for sharing your story with us. I had lots of chest pain after my second loss. It was due to anxiety. It is so hard when one moment you are on top of the world with happiness and in an instant it is snatched away from you. It felt like
my heart was broken into a million pieces and the feeling of not knowing whether or not I would be able to have kids was so overwhelming and scary. All my life I never considered remotely the possibility of me not being able to have a child. I was in shock that I miscarried once but a second time in a row just seemed too much. I never got an answer as to why I lost my two babies They ran test on me and we never got an answer. If your doctor will run lab work please ask him to do so. I\'m sorry he showed you the picture. He should have asked if you wanted to see it first. I never saw mine and now wish I had. But that is just me.
I am so sorry for your loss. I remember the fresh raw pain that you are feeling. It will in time like you said get better. Please stay connected here or somewhere else where u have an outlet for you feelings and you can talk with others who are or have been there. My thoughts are with you ((hugs))
Im sorry for what your going through. Our stories are very similar but I ve had 2 m/c and 1 chemical pregnancy in less than 2 years. We heard the heartbeat, a week later, my baby had passed. Also had a d and c, with chest and upper ab pain for a week. Dr said it could ve been gas trapped and anxiety. Im almost 2 weeks post op. and the pains have stopped.
Thanks for the responses. It really helps so much hearing from people who have been through what I am going through. The chest and upper ab pain are easing now. I think it probably was mostly trapped gas and anxiety. I had just convinced myself I was having a heart attack from the medication they gave me to stop the bleeding, which made the anxiety worse. Luckily I am done taking it now. I am hoping that the physical pain will continue to subside so I can begin to work on getting through the emotional pain.
Hey hun! Keep your chin up! We have all been through similar situations and it helps to know you aren\'t alone in this battle. I lost my baby at 20 weeks, went in for the ultrasound appointment to find out the gender only to find out that her heart was no longer beating. Even though we had heard it beating just fine at 16 weeks. They told me it was some chromosomal stuff she was missing and couldn\'t keep developing. So sad... it\'s been 2 weeks since and I still have not went 1 day without crying. Just know that we will all be ok and be great Mothers some day! I\'m here if you wanna talk, just email me. xoxo