My spouse is a porn addict.
To start off honestly, my spouse is a porn addict and this is my own personal documentation of what its like to be on the other end of things. This is my first time ever doing something like this but I thought it would be beneficial and therapeutic to myself if I start writing about my feelings and experiences. I am in no way shape or form a writer, so bare with me here. I will start off by explaining who I am, who he is, and a little bit of history about the two of us.
My name is Steff and I am 25 years old. My spouse is 26 and his name is Jake. I am originally from a small town and moved to the city last year in February to gain some life experience and meet new people. He was born and raised here. We met on an online dating website.
There is a few things you should know about him before I continue on. Jake is a type 1 diabetic and has been since he was 15. I also believe he has Aspergers, a mild form of Autism, though this has not been proven. He's done some online tests, with results stating he is high risk and talked to his therapist about it, but no doctor as of yet. He's also been struggling with a porn addiction since he was 14 years old.
Our official "anniversary" is March 28th, so this past Monday marked a year and a half for us. Sometimes I can't even believe we've made it this far because of the things that we have both went through, but it also brings us closer together knowing we have made it past everything that has happened, like we are unbreakable.
A year and a half may not seem like a very long time for a young couple, but here is a list of some of the things that we have encountered.
After 5 months of going out, I got pregnant and had an abortion. During the time I was pregnant, I found out he was secretly talking to an old female friend and had developed a crush on her and would hang out with her behind my back. Once I found out, it stopped and he no longer contacted her. A month after that, I found nude pictures he had sent himself of his ex girlfriend (who really broke his heart, and at that point in our relationship, I'm sure he still loved her), and he promised to delete them. We broke up for a few days and got back together. Fast forward to 10 months of dating, January of this year, and I found out he had a secret e-mail and was spending thousands of dollars on cam girls (this problem he had had for over 2 years) and had actually kept those pictures of his ex girlfriend stored on it. We broke up for another week and I let him come back.
By this time, I knew he had an addiction and we made a plan together that he would not look at it anymore so he installed a "safe browser" on his phone so he could no longer access porn. This did not help with his problem because on Feb 13th, we were at a party and I walked into the kitchen to refill my drink and he was kissing another girl. This lead to us breaking up for almost 4 months.
In that 4 months, he started seeing a therapist for his anger, his porn addiction, depression, and all other issues he had built up. I saw a lot of progress with him which is why I decided to get back together with him.
So now it is September, he has moved in with me and things are much better then before, other then the fact that our sex life is suffering. He has told me that sex does not feel good to him, and it hasn't for years. Oral sex is good, and generally that is how he gets off. He rarely orgasms from sex, and if he does, it takes a good hour. He talked to his therapist about this issue and her response was "Some men don't get off from sex. Its natural. Porn is natural. Unless it affects your sex life, then there is a problem." All he got from that conversation is that his habit is normal. He has not taken any steps further to get better. He truly believes he doesn't have a problem.
So I've been doing my research and I found yourbrainonporn.com (which is also how I found this forum) and I truly think he has a problem. He lies to me about his porn use. He sneaks it in when I'm not around or when I'm sleeping. If he masterbates, he has no desire to sleep with me or even fool around and then I get left out. Personally, I need sex in a relationship to feel the bond. I haven't been getting the connection I need and I'm starting to get depressed. He says he wants to just satisfy me, but if we do get to having sex, he rushes me to orgasm so he doesn't have to continue. He doesn't have a problem giving me oral or complain.
I am in no way shape or form trying to make him seem like a bad person. He's a great person. He has completely changed all of his negativity around since everything bad happened between us, but the porn is a huge issue with us and he wont seek help... Im at my breaking point...
This is day 1 of my documentation.
My name is Steff and I am 25 years old. My spouse is 26 and his name is Jake. I am originally from a small town and moved to the city last year in February to gain some life experience and meet new people. He was born and raised here. We met on an online dating website.
There is a few things you should know about him before I continue on. Jake is a type 1 diabetic and has been since he was 15. I also believe he has Aspergers, a mild form of Autism, though this has not been proven. He's done some online tests, with results stating he is high risk and talked to his therapist about it, but no doctor as of yet. He's also been struggling with a porn addiction since he was 14 years old.
Our official "anniversary" is March 28th, so this past Monday marked a year and a half for us. Sometimes I can't even believe we've made it this far because of the things that we have both went through, but it also brings us closer together knowing we have made it past everything that has happened, like we are unbreakable.
A year and a half may not seem like a very long time for a young couple, but here is a list of some of the things that we have encountered.
After 5 months of going out, I got pregnant and had an abortion. During the time I was pregnant, I found out he was secretly talking to an old female friend and had developed a crush on her and would hang out with her behind my back. Once I found out, it stopped and he no longer contacted her. A month after that, I found nude pictures he had sent himself of his ex girlfriend (who really broke his heart, and at that point in our relationship, I'm sure he still loved her), and he promised to delete them. We broke up for a few days and got back together. Fast forward to 10 months of dating, January of this year, and I found out he had a secret e-mail and was spending thousands of dollars on cam girls (this problem he had had for over 2 years) and had actually kept those pictures of his ex girlfriend stored on it. We broke up for another week and I let him come back.
By this time, I knew he had an addiction and we made a plan together that he would not look at it anymore so he installed a "safe browser" on his phone so he could no longer access porn. This did not help with his problem because on Feb 13th, we were at a party and I walked into the kitchen to refill my drink and he was kissing another girl. This lead to us breaking up for almost 4 months.
In that 4 months, he started seeing a therapist for his anger, his porn addiction, depression, and all other issues he had built up. I saw a lot of progress with him which is why I decided to get back together with him.
So now it is September, he has moved in with me and things are much better then before, other then the fact that our sex life is suffering. He has told me that sex does not feel good to him, and it hasn't for years. Oral sex is good, and generally that is how he gets off. He rarely orgasms from sex, and if he does, it takes a good hour. He talked to his therapist about this issue and her response was "Some men don't get off from sex. Its natural. Porn is natural. Unless it affects your sex life, then there is a problem." All he got from that conversation is that his habit is normal. He has not taken any steps further to get better. He truly believes he doesn't have a problem.
So I've been doing my research and I found yourbrainonporn.com (which is also how I found this forum) and I truly think he has a problem. He lies to me about his porn use. He sneaks it in when I'm not around or when I'm sleeping. If he masterbates, he has no desire to sleep with me or even fool around and then I get left out. Personally, I need sex in a relationship to feel the bond. I haven't been getting the connection I need and I'm starting to get depressed. He says he wants to just satisfy me, but if we do get to having sex, he rushes me to orgasm so he doesn't have to continue. He doesn't have a problem giving me oral or complain.
I am in no way shape or form trying to make him seem like a bad person. He's a great person. He has completely changed all of his negativity around since everything bad happened between us, but the porn is a huge issue with us and he wont seek help... Im at my breaking point...
This is day 1 of my documentation.
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