My Son David

There is something that I have felt guilty about, when my son passed away a couple years I never broke down I was almost too strong I didn't show emotion. Now I love my son but to this day I don't understand why I didn't cry or act like anything was wrong my son had died and I tried to act like nothing was wrong. Am I bad person is there something wrong with me, my ex wife to this day says I didn't love my son even thou I am a great father to my other two kids. I think when anytime things get to emotionally I tend to clam up and act stoic I want to feel more its like I am afraid to feel.

Replies

AgentSmith
AgentSmith

It is good that you are aware of your fear of emotions. I have talked to therapists about my past, my abusive childhood in particular, and they\'ve told me that when I\'m recounting these stories, it sounds like I\'m talking about a movie I just watched, like I am 3rd party and not someone who experienced these traumatic things first hand. Because the trauma was far too much for me to handle as a child, I just shut it all out and never processed any of those emotions. Now, in my late 20s, I\'m starting to truly FEEL everything I\'ve been thru and deal w/ those emotions.
brandyg
brandyg

U r not a bad person b/c u havent cried! Ur x has no right 2 say 2 u what she said. Everyone deals with grief in different ways. Recognizin this about u is a step in the right direction.

Maybe it would be good 4 u 2 talk 2 someone about this situation.
deleted_user
deleted_user

U definitely not a bad person, thats how you seem to have dealt with your son passing. To have a calming is spiritual, God may have calmed you just to be able to handle all the issues and still to this day you have had to be strong, so its not weird at all that you didn\'t cry. And don\'t be surprised when you finally do, let it all out. Hope you are not building up a shell though so people can\'t come in.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I think sometimes we bottle up our emotions so that things don\'t seem as bad. I\'m sorry that your ex said that to you. I can imagine that had to have hurt. Everyone grieves in different ways..just because you didn\'t cry doesn\'t make you a bad guy. (((Hugs)))