My second, one year :)
So, this is my second time getting a year and this time I think I realize how seriouse my illness is....it is deadly if I do not keep in good spiritual condition! That still scares me. It still scares me to think about my last relapse a year ago! I was luck I only ended up in jail! I realize so much worse could of happened to me. I was out getting wasted, or went out when I was already wasted with a freind, and luckily he drove that night. I don't even remember the whole night, just bits and pieces after a certian point. Its funny though, the parts I do remember are pretty significantly scary, lol. I needed to remeber those really bad parts. Like almost going home with a man twice my age, getting kicked out of the bar, getting hand cuffs put on me and crying. I came to again in jail and had no idea why I was there...scary as shit!!!
But anyways, this year has been really amazing for me!
I have learned a lot, grew a lot, and got to over come some serious fears :) It feels amazing because those old fears are no longer fears!!! Instead they are the things I treasure! Such as going to a University! I real school and kicking some butt. Three A's and a B to be exact!!
This year I applied to Kent School of Social Work at U of L and I was accepted!! I had some amazing women in AA write me letters of recomendation and I had some other women help me write my letter to get in. I was so nervous about being accept..."why would they want someone like me", "I am not good enough" were my thoughts..."its a small and difficult program to get into, I'll never get in"... HA, I did it! :) and my first semester was awesome! Challenging but so worht ever minute of it! The challenge made it all that sweeter to see my grades :) I did it! Now three more semesters that I look forward to!!!
That was my biggest accomplishment, or maybe it was staying sober this year! There were a lot of ups and downs!! I found out my mother had breast cancer! That was crazy! I was in school and got a call from my brother. I had to leave school and walked home that day bawling, while talking to my sponsor. My sponsor who is a survivor of breast cancer. She is such an amazing and strong woman!! What was really amazing was I did not think about drinking! I thought about how amazing it was I was sober and could be there for her! Well after my sponsor remkinded me, lol. But i knew I did not want to drink, that this was about her, not me, even though it was for a bit about me in my own mind. I was able to be there for her through it all!! I juggled school, work, and all of her dr appts too...with the help of my brother, as my mother does not drive. She didn't die or even come close. She had to have her breast removed but no chemo!! :) She was really blessed!! I am blessed to have my momma, and cancer free now!! :)
Tonight I went to a UL basketball game with her and had a really good time! How amazing and blessed I feel is hard to explain!! I get to make up for being an absent daughter!! We have a second chance to build on our relationship. It may never be perfect but it is getting better!!
I am so grateful to be sober and actually living my life!! I am grateful that people actually want to be around me! I am grateful that my brother got us those basketball ticket! I am grateful that I have such an amazing sponsor and friend, who has been there for me through so much! I am gratful that I made it through this year SOBER :)
There have been so many years that I did not even want think about the previous year, years that I knew i didn't accomplish a damn thing! Not this new years! I can look back and be pround of myself, grateful for all the good and bad times! I have so many great memories of 2012 and I am looking forward to 2013!! Who knows what it will bring but I am excited to find out :) One day at a time I can do ANYTHING!! And I do not ever have to do it by myself! EVER! I have so many strong and amazing woman I can call up and I know they will be there for me!! How amazing is that!?!?!? Little loner me, did not have to face anything by myself last year! I am blessed and so grateful!!!
Happy 2013 :)
Here is to another year of ups and downs, never alone, not fighting but LIVING!!!
But anyways, this year has been really amazing for me!
I have learned a lot, grew a lot, and got to over come some serious fears :) It feels amazing because those old fears are no longer fears!!! Instead they are the things I treasure! Such as going to a University! I real school and kicking some butt. Three A's and a B to be exact!!
This year I applied to Kent School of Social Work at U of L and I was accepted!! I had some amazing women in AA write me letters of recomendation and I had some other women help me write my letter to get in. I was so nervous about being accept..."why would they want someone like me", "I am not good enough" were my thoughts..."its a small and difficult program to get into, I'll never get in"... HA, I did it! :) and my first semester was awesome! Challenging but so worht ever minute of it! The challenge made it all that sweeter to see my grades :) I did it! Now three more semesters that I look forward to!!!
That was my biggest accomplishment, or maybe it was staying sober this year! There were a lot of ups and downs!! I found out my mother had breast cancer! That was crazy! I was in school and got a call from my brother. I had to leave school and walked home that day bawling, while talking to my sponsor. My sponsor who is a survivor of breast cancer. She is such an amazing and strong woman!! What was really amazing was I did not think about drinking! I thought about how amazing it was I was sober and could be there for her! Well after my sponsor remkinded me, lol. But i knew I did not want to drink, that this was about her, not me, even though it was for a bit about me in my own mind. I was able to be there for her through it all!! I juggled school, work, and all of her dr appts too...with the help of my brother, as my mother does not drive. She didn't die or even come close. She had to have her breast removed but no chemo!! :) She was really blessed!! I am blessed to have my momma, and cancer free now!! :)
Tonight I went to a UL basketball game with her and had a really good time! How amazing and blessed I feel is hard to explain!! I get to make up for being an absent daughter!! We have a second chance to build on our relationship. It may never be perfect but it is getting better!!
I am so grateful to be sober and actually living my life!! I am grateful that people actually want to be around me! I am grateful that my brother got us those basketball ticket! I am grateful that I have such an amazing sponsor and friend, who has been there for me through so much! I am gratful that I made it through this year SOBER :)
There have been so many years that I did not even want think about the previous year, years that I knew i didn't accomplish a damn thing! Not this new years! I can look back and be pround of myself, grateful for all the good and bad times! I have so many great memories of 2012 and I am looking forward to 2013!! Who knows what it will bring but I am excited to find out :) One day at a time I can do ANYTHING!! And I do not ever have to do it by myself! EVER! I have so many strong and amazing woman I can call up and I know they will be there for me!! How amazing is that!?!?!? Little loner me, did not have to face anything by myself last year! I am blessed and so grateful!!!
Happy 2013 :)
Here is to another year of ups and downs, never alone, not fighting but LIVING!!!
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