My second entry....

Today I fear is not a good day. I am having difficulty expressing exactly what it is that I feel. But it's not good. I wish to stay in bed all day, but my husband is going through a very bad down cycle and he is in bed. So it's occupied, I guess. 
And someone had to take the kids to school.
We received very good news yesterday, regarding our financial stability and it looks like the next twelve months are secure. 
So in essence, I can stop worrying about our household, and my husband and just start concentrating on my own feelings. But these feelings are so intense that it knocks me down. I need my husband to be strong for me now. I need him to say, don't worry, I will make supper, bath the kids, drive them to and from school. 
But he can't. He wants to and promises to but I can't rely on those promises because each day is unpredicatable.
I really want to start putting in to words what I am feeling, but it's so hidden right now, I can only feel the pressure on my chest.