My sad heart

I haven't been with my ex for 8 to 9 months now. I thought i had finally got passed the hard part of me letting him go, but i heard something about him (from someone else) i didn't want to hear about that, or maybe I wasn't ready too!  Anyway, I felt like it was hurting all over again, and worse then before, because I didn't have to think about him with anyone, until yesterday, and I guess it just opened up that wound again!  I so hope I never run into him when I'm out and about, because the way I feel now is I would have to run and not dare let him see me fall apart. I don't understand myself with this break up!  I've been married twice, first time 14 years, second time 7 years, and just walked away without thinking twice about ending those, but this is different, its like I can't stop thinking about him, hurting over him, I just wish I could majically make it go away and not care about any of it.  All I wanted was to be his everything and the most important person in his life, but thats not what I got.  He was my favorite person that I ever had.