My resentment toward my family
I have often wondered what it would be like to have a relationship with my family members without the restraint of isolation. Would things have been better if I handled all the situations differently? What constitutes my decisions over the past years? Did I make the right choice? To walk away? For how long must one suffer to reach any decision at all? I have always had a very bad and unhealthy relationship with my brother. He stabbed me when we were just kids, beat me growing up, and hurt me in any way he could. My mother is the one I looked up to the most, growing up I could see myself being like her so loving and caring to everyone no matter who they were. As my brother and I grew up, she became less of a mother and more of an enabler to my brother's addiction to drugs and alcohol. I feel as if I have lost my mother completely as recent events have secured her codependent ways.
To always isolate myself from all the confrentation, the constant fighting, arguing, emotional and physical abuse, I'm not sure how to deal with all the painful memories.I just walked away from it all, not saying anything but goodbye. I yearn for a more health conscience state of mind. I want to be a mother to my children, with the strenght and vigor I once had, not this mess of isolation. so how do I conquor and overcome my problem? Do I confront my mother or brother? Do I write abut it? do I read books? ask advice? professional advice? I am 30 years old now, and enough is enough. I have to pull out my backbone and start at home and myself. I do see a pattern of what my mother does in me, and I absolutely hate it!
To always isolate myself from all the confrentation, the constant fighting, arguing, emotional and physical abuse, I'm not sure how to deal with all the painful memories.I just walked away from it all, not saying anything but goodbye. I yearn for a more health conscience state of mind. I want to be a mother to my children, with the strenght and vigor I once had, not this mess of isolation. so how do I conquor and overcome my problem? Do I confront my mother or brother? Do I write abut it? do I read books? ask advice? professional advice? I am 30 years old now, and enough is enough. I have to pull out my backbone and start at home and myself. I do see a pattern of what my mother does in me, and I absolutely hate it!
Replies
I understand what you\'ve done. You don\'t need counseling. You need the confirmation that you made the right choice to walk away. You need to let go of the resentment towards them.
I\'m 25. I walked away from my family 3.5 years ago and we rarely if ever talk anymore. I chose to leave so I could raise my girls in what I call the real world. I was raised Mennonite and the shit that happens in those communities is disgusting. I was unhappy in my marriage and I left. That\'s enough to get me shunned from the community. So I understand the isolation and all the rest.
It gets better once you realize why you left. Once you accept in your heart that it\'s a decision you made with peace about the consequence.
Hugs tho. It\'s a bitch to get through. Love your kids and hug them extra at night. Make them see not all people are like what you had growing up.
Thank You so much Mary, It\'s crazy what is acceptable in society. Hugs!