My reply to Contacting Estranged Children ... .
Plead read the last entry as this is an add on:
My estrangement situation began with postpartum depression 24 years ago ... I had a few of my kids and sent them back for a home visit with their father (FOOLISHLY) on a promise made "On his mother's GRAVE (!! lol) that he would return them to me ... THE REST is HISTORY.Yes I have written letters to the affect that I am sorry that it ALL happened BUT one can't apologize for being mentally ill. And children who ONLY think of themselves cannot FORGIVE anyways... I THREW AWAY 10 years of my life mourning their loss... And have never been FORGIVEN for moving on with my life when they failed to COME around... FORGIVE WHAT? I had NO CHOICE in the matter. HE had 18 yrs with a major company. I had 18 years with HIM...Guess WHO had the $$. He got a powerful attorney. I had the Public Defender. Doesn't take a Rocket Scientist to figure out WHO WON. But THE CHILDREN LOST. He let them ALL quit school when they were 15 and I wasn't allowed in their lives... I was DEVASTATED. It BROKE my heart. It hurt THEN & it HURTS now... I say, "Jesus, I trust in You..."
I have found my strength through my Catholic faith ... and through my DS Friends. As I said I have moved on. It is just when thoughts return to my children that I am sad and hurt..Most of the time I am a very happy person.
I am especially happy after my recent GBS surgery I had on 1-11-11. I have since lost the total weight of an 8th grader (68lbs)! I have gone from a 3X on that date to a size med/lrg today..
Thank you for your prayers, concern and love that you all have shown me...
skinny
My estrangement situation began with postpartum depression 24 years ago ... I had a few of my kids and sent them back for a home visit with their father (FOOLISHLY) on a promise made "On his mother's GRAVE (!! lol) that he would return them to me ... THE REST is HISTORY.Yes I have written letters to the affect that I am sorry that it ALL happened BUT one can't apologize for being mentally ill. And children who ONLY think of themselves cannot FORGIVE anyways... I THREW AWAY 10 years of my life mourning their loss... And have never been FORGIVEN for moving on with my life when they failed to COME around... FORGIVE WHAT? I had NO CHOICE in the matter. HE had 18 yrs with a major company. I had 18 years with HIM...Guess WHO had the $$. He got a powerful attorney. I had the Public Defender. Doesn't take a Rocket Scientist to figure out WHO WON. But THE CHILDREN LOST. He let them ALL quit school when they were 15 and I wasn't allowed in their lives... I was DEVASTATED. It BROKE my heart. It hurt THEN & it HURTS now... I say, "Jesus, I trust in You..."
I have found my strength through my Catholic faith ... and through my DS Friends. As I said I have moved on. It is just when thoughts return to my children that I am sad and hurt..Most of the time I am a very happy person.
I am especially happy after my recent GBS surgery I had on 1-11-11. I have since lost the total weight of an 8th grader (68lbs)! I have gone from a 3X on that date to a size med/lrg today..
Thank you for your prayers, concern and love that you all have shown me...
skinny
Replies
thank you for sharing your feelings and situation of estrangement from your children. It must be very painful. You are a very brave woman to move on with your life, having the strength through your Catholic faith and us DS friends. I am glad you have lost weight after GBS. May God comfort you and bless you mightily. Hugs & love Carol
To my \"sister-in-the-Lord\" and my \"Steeler\" sister: Sharing is such relief, especially with non-judgmental and loving people. It is so hard for me to hear everyone\'s stories because I am a \"fixer\" and want to fix everyone\'s situation. After reading your story, I just wanted to help you feel better and pray your EC will see the TRUTH and soon. But, I received comfort reading about the progress you have made in your faith and in your weight loss and with this group (me,too). God is with each one of us on this site, taking us thru these situations and providing comfort and encouragement and walking the journey with us. He is faithful and will come out the Victor (and each of us will be with Him!) Continue going forward and looking up! Praying for you and Cheering you On......Iron Cowgirl
Am praying for you, that certainly cldnt have been easy. But always remember, what comes arounf goes around, one day your babies will show up wanting there mama. ~~Debbie
Debbie is right, one day they will make an adult decision that they want you in their lives and nothing will stop them. So sorry about all the grief you have had to go through.
You\'ve been thru a lot.Prayers that your children come around & see your situation for what it really was.There\'s love there,I\'m certain.Big Hugs for you.
No you cannot apologize for being mentally ill, it is out of our control. I feel so much for you-your heart broken, and the hurt.
Never know what tomorrow may bring. Keep hanging in there- HUGS
Honor to a brave and unbowed woman and human being of grit!!!!
Hi NDY! Thanks for the friendship request. Just read your last 2 journal entries. Makes alot of sense. I\'m on \"The other side of the fence!\" With mom and sister and brother always telling me what and how to do things, even at my age. Having to move back in with mom temporarily is killing me. And it\'s hard not to let it happen when they are always in my face. I\'ve always been the \"Black Sheep\" even tho they have had similar issues. Just not sure how to deal with all this. Like I said, it\'s very hard and painful when I\'m treated like I\'m a 2 yr old. Don\'t know how to set those bounderies with them because according to them I\'M ALWAYS WRONG!!! Wish I had more time to catch up on all friends, new and old. Nice to meet you!
I\'m so sorry this happened in your life.
But you\'ve done the best you could..i guess we all do at the time.
But being heartbroken hurts. You are a very strong & good person!
(((Hugs)))