My Recent Life...
Okay so basically I am just going to write down how I am feeling at the moment & if you'd like to help me out that would be so wonderful because...clearly I have been struggling with this for quite sometime now...
I just don't know anymore of ways to coupe I try to find ways to keep myself occupied & staying busy just to keep my mind off of it, but somehow I just can't seem to get it out of my mind. I swear sometimes I feel like I just want to end it all because then I wouldn't feel this way.
& It's so stupid too, my ex-girlfriend & my past relationship is still really sensitive to me & just very raw in my brain about what happened. I seriously have tried moving on, going on dates with other girls, being at social events where I can meet new people, I have done community service where I saw such a beautiful girl & I went up to try & start a conversation, and I found out she had a boyfriend & that they we're happy & I was like...oh great I am happy for you that you have found someone who treats you well. Meanwhile this is my only wish to find someone who appreciates the things I do & cares about my feelings, and isn't going to hurt me again.These are very minor instances though like I can deal with not being with someone I am not co-dependent or anything I have been living on my own for quite sometime now & I actually feel more like a hermit than someone who is co-dependent on someone, but the thing that just gets me is I can't go a single day without thinking about her, like not one f***ing day to myself where I can just not think about her it's impossible no matter what I am doing whether I am busy or working just doesn't matter it will sneak up on me somehow. I am so sick of it. I think of things like if I could go back I would've changed this...this...this...this...it's like don't you get it Tyler that's the reason you're in this predicament because you failed to realize the 'little things' & It passed me all by. What hurts the most is not being able or finding the strength to move on it's like my feet are stuck in cement & I am trying to run away...just can't. So I am just left to try & hang on hoping someone helps me because I am ashamed to say I can't help myself. I need to wake up & start a new life & I have tried that so many times she keep coming up into my mind. It's because she left me so bad over a Facebook message & wouldn't even break up to me to my face after our 3 year relationship is that really what I deserve? A Facebook break-up... I literally hate thinking about it & it's all I do so I end up hating myself for even giving her a chance with me. I should've never let her into my life now I am just a complete wreck & I don't know where to begin to fix it. I guess I can start by patching up the bleeding, but trying to fix a broken heart is impossible to do... I have no heart anymore I have a mind that won't let my heart feel for anyone the same again & she will never return to me so I am waiting in vain... what a hurtful situation I am going through I cry sometimes when it gets real bad, and I feel like a loser which I believe I am on a downward slope to becoming...just a loser if I am not already...
I just don't know anymore of ways to coupe I try to find ways to keep myself occupied & staying busy just to keep my mind off of it, but somehow I just can't seem to get it out of my mind. I swear sometimes I feel like I just want to end it all because then I wouldn't feel this way.
& It's so stupid too, my ex-girlfriend & my past relationship is still really sensitive to me & just very raw in my brain about what happened. I seriously have tried moving on, going on dates with other girls, being at social events where I can meet new people, I have done community service where I saw such a beautiful girl & I went up to try & start a conversation, and I found out she had a boyfriend & that they we're happy & I was like...oh great I am happy for you that you have found someone who treats you well. Meanwhile this is my only wish to find someone who appreciates the things I do & cares about my feelings, and isn't going to hurt me again.These are very minor instances though like I can deal with not being with someone I am not co-dependent or anything I have been living on my own for quite sometime now & I actually feel more like a hermit than someone who is co-dependent on someone, but the thing that just gets me is I can't go a single day without thinking about her, like not one f***ing day to myself where I can just not think about her it's impossible no matter what I am doing whether I am busy or working just doesn't matter it will sneak up on me somehow. I am so sick of it. I think of things like if I could go back I would've changed this...this...this...this...it's like don't you get it Tyler that's the reason you're in this predicament because you failed to realize the 'little things' & It passed me all by. What hurts the most is not being able or finding the strength to move on it's like my feet are stuck in cement & I am trying to run away...just can't. So I am just left to try & hang on hoping someone helps me because I am ashamed to say I can't help myself. I need to wake up & start a new life & I have tried that so many times she keep coming up into my mind. It's because she left me so bad over a Facebook message & wouldn't even break up to me to my face after our 3 year relationship is that really what I deserve? A Facebook break-up... I literally hate thinking about it & it's all I do so I end up hating myself for even giving her a chance with me. I should've never let her into my life now I am just a complete wreck & I don't know where to begin to fix it. I guess I can start by patching up the bleeding, but trying to fix a broken heart is impossible to do... I have no heart anymore I have a mind that won't let my heart feel for anyone the same again & she will never return to me so I am waiting in vain... what a hurtful situation I am going through I cry sometimes when it gets real bad, and I feel like a loser which I believe I am on a downward slope to becoming...just a loser if I am not already...
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