My rant today...

In the beginning of today I felt strong, but as the day progressed I found myself sliding down, I think I saw my ex again( it was the same car as him but I didn’t see who was driving so I’m trying to tell myself it wasn’t) that’s what triggered me into this horrible nightmare I seemed to be stuck in and can’t get out..

i try and keep telling myself that all these fucked up feelings are “normal” after an abusive psychopath relationship which my logical mind sees it but all the rest of my being just feels such pain, pain like I never felt, well that’s not true when my mom died and the time I broke my leg really bad and couldn’t walk for 8 months it took me over a year to heal I even had to teach myself how to walk again! Yet this feels even worse, I have lost everything and I have to start from the beginning again just like when I taught myself how to walk again, I had a lot of determination and strength I just have to find those again, because he took it all away, I tried so hard I loved him with my whole entire soul and what he turned out to be and the abuse and betrayal and just the mean, horrible way I was treated is implanted in my brain it feels as tho it was burned into my brain so bad I will never be the same but I hope not, I have faith at least tonight I made it another day they say one day at a time, for he’s and the trauma I suffered is my addiction... I prey every day I can survive this sometimes I think I can sometimes I don’t...