My Random Thoughts for Today....
hating myself today-though not really sure why- just everything in my life feels so lopsided and screwed up ! nothing i do ever seems to come out right and hard as i try still seems i am always messing things up or making myself into this idiot - which i probably am....... i wish i could go off alone and have some self reflection- but there's nowhere to go- no place where i can think- does anyone else ever feel this way ? just curious...... but i know - this too shall pass and i'll feel better- i think i really have too much time on my hands to think, i miss everything about who i "used " to be- before i had a broken heart, before i put myself out there and became a woman who wasn't shy and would date- maybe i should've stayed that way and not ever talked to men- they hurt me and i hurt them..... and the worst thing in this world are broken hearts- i know they are everywhere but dammit- why can't we just love and not hurt- why do we use people? why is there so much hurt in this world? i hate it ! just some of my random thoughts for the day......
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You are not alone. I just bought a book to help me yesterday...I have all the things most people want in life and I struggle with my self concept and my self esteem. I wasn\'t always this way though. I came from a small family and my mother passed when I was a teen and I being lonely made me put up with some things off of people that should never be tolerated by anyone because I was hurt and needy. I wanted to belong. I have a degree, a nice job, i\'m healthy, so I should be happy and jumping up and down...WRONG. Everyday is a struggle and so now I pray a lot asking GOD for specific things. I am starting to look for positive relationships with other people so that I do not feel so isolated and to start building connections with others. I realized that I had been hurt really badly by family and it devasted my trust in people and my ability to make real and solid connections. The Ultimate Secrets of Total Self Confidence by Robert Anthony is a good start. I hope you feel better soon. Also if you have been over exposed to stress, your brains chemicals may have actually been altered and you may not be getting enough of the things that make your brain relax and think happy thoughts. Go get looked at to see if you are depressed. Some people do not like the meds, however, when your brain stops putting out certain chemicals, we change, our mood changes, etc. They will help you if you need it.