My plight..
Not part of mankind, nor any kind of a man;
Comparing to others, always feeling less than..
Lacking courage & strength to overcome my plight,
No desire or will to put up a strong fight..
A random act of violence or a senseless robbery;
a thug can take this life, he wants it more than me..
I made the decision, to be my own assassin;
To be freed from earth's prison, is my last obsession..
Dark clouds follow me now where ever I go,
Obscuring my vision so I can't see tomorrow..
Walking alone in darkness & sorrow,
Abandoned by all including my shadow
Darkness descends, no joy's allowed,
Will HIS SON shine beyond my clouds?
Wishing I had someone's troubles,
And be released from my struggles..
Cause hating yourself is the worse affliction,
Constantly battling an internal conviction..
~DMal
Comparing to others, always feeling less than..
Lacking courage & strength to overcome my plight,
No desire or will to put up a strong fight..
A random act of violence or a senseless robbery;
a thug can take this life, he wants it more than me..
I made the decision, to be my own assassin;
To be freed from earth's prison, is my last obsession..
Dark clouds follow me now where ever I go,
Obscuring my vision so I can't see tomorrow..
Walking alone in darkness & sorrow,
Abandoned by all including my shadow
Darkness descends, no joy's allowed,
Will HIS SON shine beyond my clouds?
Wishing I had someone's troubles,
And be released from my struggles..
Cause hating yourself is the worse affliction,
Constantly battling an internal conviction..
~DMal
Replies
Although this is a true expression of where you are right now...or have been...you can turn that around perhaps by writing a poem about what is truly your passion and the blessings in your life. Just DO it even though you may not feel like it. Maybe making yourself do it will help you see that there are many things of value about yourself. You were born and God loves you even though you may not like yourself. Perhaps being positive helps one to become positive...if that makes sense. I know you have value....God sees your value even though you do not. I hope you will open your eyes wide enough to see it. What you have written makes me think of the writings of my son when he was a teen and had so many doubts about life. It makes me sad. God bless you and heal you from this self-torment.....hugs..dale, brandon\'s mom
Classic symptoms, Mal. Are you bi-polar or schizo-affective? I know you want a \"way out\". I don\'t know what meds you\'re on. I don\'t know if you\'ve been taught how to manage your symptoms. I don\'t know if you have a good psychiatrist, there are an awful lot of \"bad\" ones. I don\'t know if you\'re working with a good therapist (you should be). I do know what you are suffering, and your self esteem issues (I know all about them). At least you\'re SHARING these feelings and not denying them. That is very important. It\'s hard (in fact, close to impossible actually) to acknowledge illness (emotional or psychological) in yourself. I was extremely emotionally unstable toward the end of my daughter\'s life and I really had NO IDEA how sick I had become. Look in the mirror. See the boy your mother loved, he\'s in there. And he\'s worth saving.
Jill
I wish I could write my feelings through poetry. Even though the message is scary (like your feelings) the poem was written beautifully. Hugs to you and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Your poem says it all...I hope you will be able to stop comparing yourself to others....you are you, there isn\'t another person on this earth as unique and special as you yourself are. If you can just accomplish that much, I feel sure you will start to feel better. You are a \"man\", the courage it takes to say how you really feel is testimony to your manliness!!!
Good poem, but a sad one. Why don\'t you share your gift of writing with the self hate group? We would love to hear your thoughts there. You need support from others who know the curse of self hate well. I am here for you.
I think you\'ve got a gift for writing poetry. It\'s something you should pat yourself on the back for.
Hi - I couldn\'t help but focus on the line:
I\'m apart of mankind
\"apart\" separate -- alienated--estranged.
I\'m not sure who you are comparing yourself to but without a doubt we all have faults/failings.
I see someone (you) who is caring, intelligent, likeable and a good writer. I certainly hope that someday you embrace yourself - it\'s like there is a part inside frozen, awaiting defrosting to venture out.
You could have (close to it all) a good people mirrow and a solid inside which resists poor people \"tooling.\"
You are part of mankind..you are human, you feel, you care, you reach out even in your own darkness...no one is perfect, we all have imperfections...
Try to be as kind to you as you are to all of us, baby steps, my friend, baby steps.