My physical pain is growing
Good morning journal,the time is 6:52am,I have been awake,on and off. for most of the night;sleeping for brief periods,then lying awake,my mind unable to rest.The whispers have remained silent since yesterday,except for one moment when I heard the female voice say in the afternoon,"my name is Ruth",nothing else,and I spent the day resting and trying to recuperate.I did take a little alcohol,not much,just enough to dull the nerve ends of my physical pain,which is becoming more troublesome to me of late;my legs and hands especially,the victims of vicious cramps and unexpected spasms,which necessitate me having to massage them quite vociferously before any feeling of normality is returned.My breathing has been fairly good in the last few days,well,as good as one gets with COPD;and I am grateful for that at least,but my physical pain,in my back, and tightness in my chest,producing a lot of phlegm with coughing,is proving somewhat of a nuisance.I am once again left amazed and touched by the comments left by wonderful caring people,people I have never met,yet consider friends,who care enough for me,and my well being,to leave such beautiful messages of hope and comfort,I thank you my friends,and I assure you I am taking note of your advice.My mental health team are aware of my whispers,and have been from very early in my care,I have yet to make them aware that the voices now have names,but I will do so at my next visitation.I grow tired now journal,and pained in my chair,so I will cut this visit short and walk for a little,stretch my back and breathe;till tomorrow then,peace be with us.
Replies
Scott, you and your wife are becoming very dear to me, and it amazes me how close I can really feel to someone I\'ve never even met. I can only say that your soul has touched my soul, and perhaps that says it all.
I\'m so sorry that you not only have to contend with physical pain, but mental pain as well. You are so much stronger than you realize. A less stronger person may have already given up long ago, but you continue to struggle on with fierce determination and resolve. You and your wife are in my mind on a daily basis, my friend.
When you first mentioned that your voices now have names, I couldn\'t help but wonder about multiple personalities; but that usually involves long periods of time, sometimes years, in which you would have severe memory lapses, and instead of just mood swings, you would become totally different people. Please understand, I\'m not trying to diagnose you, but just sometimes wonder what it could be that keeps hammering at you on a daily basis. Having been raised in a house with a schizophrenic, I suppose my interest is led by my previous experiences.
I send my best wishes to you and your wife, and pray that the new year will bring peace, health, and answers. Happy New Year, my dear friends! Hugs and cheek kisses!