My Pastor Message Today
I know my pastor is a good pastor, but today he talked about prayer and God answering prayer. It was a good message, and I told him afterward it was good, but then from some of the things he said, I was going to have to ask myself then what did I do wrong. All the things he talked about said Jesus said if you Ask you will receive, if you knock you shall find etc. etc. I did those things for my son Kenny, yet I did not get the answer I asked for, so when I said to him it was a good message but I have to ask myself what did I do wrong, he said you didn't do anything wrong. But if I read the Bible and believe what it says and I had the faith, then where did I go wrong. Was there something in my life that I was doing wrong is why God did not answer my prayers. Were my prayers selfish (I don't think so). So if the Bible says I only have to have the faith of a mustard seed, and I had much more faith then that and I still do, then what went wrong. Why did God not hear my cries, my prayers to heal my son.
I have not answers, as not one else does. We only have our faith, We have God and We have our hope for our future with God and our children who have gone on ahead of us. We have forever to look forward too.. What more than wanting our children back could we ask for. If we trust and believe in God we do have hope for the future.
If only there were answers that made some sense. I remember one day a months or so after Ken found out he had the cancer, he asked me Why,mom Why did this happen to me, I had no answer and I have no answer now, I just know I wish I had an answer.
Sandi
I have not answers, as not one else does. We only have our faith, We have God and We have our hope for our future with God and our children who have gone on ahead of us. We have forever to look forward too.. What more than wanting our children back could we ask for. If we trust and believe in God we do have hope for the future.
If only there were answers that made some sense. I remember one day a months or so after Ken found out he had the cancer, he asked me Why,mom Why did this happen to me, I had no answer and I have no answer now, I just know I wish I had an answer.
Sandi
Replies
Why? I ask often. There is no answer. It is something we must learn to accept but still, why? Why my son and yours? Why Kayla, Ryan, Nathan, Corrie.....
CorysMom, isn\'t that the question we will always ask. ???
I have to agree I think the Why ???? Is the question that will go unanswered and we will always ask. Wendy
I wish I had the answer you are searching for but I too search for the same answers to the same questions. Maybe some day we will understand. Peace. Truly your friend, Barb
It is the question that we will always ask. Yes, I have struggled with...why OUR prayers weren\'t answered, many, many people were praying for Alex while he was in surgery. What I believe is that God can be with the surgeon, but the person (the surgeon) can only do what he is capable of doing...the surgeon did the best he could...but he was limited by his skills. God doesn\'t interfere with human will...so what is done is limited. I refuse to believe that it was God\'s will that our children die...it is the result of a series of events or an illness with the human body that we have not figured out how to fix. Just my thoughts...love to you...Karen
Karen pretty much has my thoughts as well. As for a miracle to save our children, that is a question which will never be answerred while here on earth.
The only thing we have to hold on to is our faith. Mine has been very shaky for years. But the more I read and learn the more I am able to accept that one day we will receive the answers....Love and prayers to you, Pat
Just like all of us, I struggle with the \"why\" question also. We had 5 ministers with us encircling Clinton and praying with us when he left this earth for his heavenly home. Each of us believed and still believes that God had/has the power to save anyone. And yet He called Clinton home. I believe that God answers each and every one of our prayers, but it is not always the answer that we ask for. Even though I cannot see or understand it now, I trust that God has the bigger and the perfect plan. It doesn\'t make it any easier to cope with the fact that my son isn\'t here to help raise his 4 precious children, but I MUST hold on to my faith or I will become completely lost in the abyss of despair. Someone told me once that we see life as the underside of a needlework picture...knots, twisted thread, tangles...but God sees and orchestrates the perfect and beautiful picture as seen from the top side. I believe that when Clinton took his last breath on earth, he took his first breath in heaven and I will see him again when it is my time to leave here. It\'s a hard road that we travel, but I believe God has led us here to help, love and support each other and for that I am very thankful...love and hugs...Lynn
I\'m not even sure that the answers will bring me any comfort? I agree with the others that these are human events and not Spirit\'s. Free will, choice, the human body and its vulnerabilites... it is tough and there is no way around it but through it and that is what we are trying to do here. Living one moment at a time and finding some peace along the way when we are able. Continued healing to each of us and I don\'t know where I would be without each of you? Strength in numbers that is a given. Thank you for being here for me dear friends. Hugs, Joanie
I agree with all comments. With all this world of problems there are things that happen, I agree that God could have saved my son from the cancer, but I also agree that there is a bigger plan that we can not see. Our hope is our future in Heaven with our children. I am so sorry for all the losses each of us have experienced and how I wish things had not happened for us as they did, but even though my belief\'s were totally challenged, I have now felt I have found my thoughts and faith in God restored, not that they were ever gone, just a lot of questions. Without God I am nothing, With God I have hope for the future. Sandi
it is hard to have faith wheni see so much suffering and we are suspose to have faith no matter what. it is very confusing to me. i hope there is a heaven, i pray and pray just to show me the way and give me strength to face what ever i have to face, i never ask for any thing just some strength and so far i don,t feel strong or safe god never pulls up a chair and tlks to me in his human form, when my daughter lay dieing and suffering i prayed to just give her a chance.DID,NT HAPPEN SO IT IS TOUGH TO BELIEVE IN ALL THAT FAITH AND GOD WILL GUIDE YOU WELL I HOPE HE STARTS TO SEND ME MESSAGES AND SIGNS TO JUST LET ME KNOW HE,S THERE FOR ME AND I DON,T HAVE TO KEEP GUESSING AND WONDERING AND READING BOOKS AND BIBLES TO UNDERSTAND IT ALL IT WOULD BE NICE MAYBE I COULD FINELLY FEEL SOME PEACE KNOWING THERE IS AGOD AND A SFTER LIFE.((((((((ZZZTOP)))))))
As a Christian who has struggled with the whys of all of this, Sandi...I have come to the conclusion that our children did receive the ULTIMATE healing..but we will always ask why did it have to be OUR children who had to leave .....and then there is the same question of our faith...we have all been challenged. This is the test of a lifetime. I hope I can come through this stronger and more faithful so that my life will be a testament to all that I believe and claim to believe. Some days I sound so...so...faithful and then there are days I am down and out. The sermon at our church was all directed to me...it was about condemnation and that it is straight from the devil not of God who is all about convicting us not condemning us. I have been attacked with condemnation since all of this happened. I think we all have had a dose of that at some point in this journey. We just have to kick the devil and tell him to get out...to flee....he has no power here! I must remember to wear the whole armor (the Word) of God so that satan does not think he can get to me. I know you know all of this....My prayers are that you will have peace...that you can envision Ken in that wonderful place where there is no pain like you saw him suffer. I have to envision that, too for Brandon. I don\'t know if you received the booklet that we moms wrote but I hope you can get Pat or Barbara to send you a copy by email...everyone wrote where they see their children at this time. God bless you and I am sending my extra special squeeze hugs.......love ya, dale...brandon\'s mom
I made the mistake of saying, \"why me\" in front of my boss when Nathan was first killed. She snapped at me and said, \"why anyone\", not just you. i was hurt at that and didn\'t dare say anything because she is my boss. But really, so many mothers have lost their children. Maybe it wasn\'t fair of me to ask that question. I don\'t know.
You said it yourself, \"We only have our faith, We have God and We have our hope for our future with God and our children who have gone on ahead of us. We have forever to look forward too.. What more than wanting our children back could we ask for. If we trust and believe in God we do have hope for the future\".
We know we are not immune from death. It comes to all of us sooner or later. But your positive answer helps us cope. Thank you for the reminder, that there is really hope. Love and hugs, Danette
My son\'s life was a bit difficult from the time he started school, and we learned he had a strange combination of ADD/LD/ and giftedness. Most teachers didn\'t have a clue of what to do with him, and he had allergies and insomnia besides. I frequently asked,\" Why us?\" and \"If there is a lesson here, who is it for? Michael or his family?\" Little did I know what was down the road... I can sympathize with both Danette and her boss. They were both right in their own way. I have felt SO much comfort here at FMO precisely because there ARE so many others just like me and Danette--because we aren\'t alone in this horrible situation. BUT, I\'m going to flip the perspective here to one I heard recently at my new Griefshare class--I signed up to take it again--this time with a different leader who is much younger and who offers a very different perspective because she works for Hospice. The last time I took the class it was quite large--often 15 or more in the class. This time there are only 3 of us who come regularly. But that\'s OK-we have some great discussions. One day, one of the other gals said she felt at peace with her husband\'s very unexpected death (in his 60\'s) because she felt he had just \"figured out the key\" to Heaven before she had and had earned his reward early. She said my son Mike had just managed to do the same thing. She looks at it like finding that switch that opens a secret panel to a hidden door in a wall.
Like all of you, I\'d prayed frequently for God\'s help in guiding Mike\'s life. I didn\'t know he was going to die--none of us knew he\'d been given some addictive medicine by a doctor and had been taking it for a week before he died. Having prayed for him so often, I did at first feel almost betrayed, but then,frankly, I felt like there were a lot of people right here on Earth, including Mike himself, who needed to take some responsibility for what happened, so there was really no point in blaming God. I felt it was all just a terrible accident.
There are many theories about the way God \"operates.\" We won\'t know which one is correct until it is our turn to go to Heaven. If you ever sit down and logically try to think through a number of possible scenarios for the role of God, and how things could play out if he did things this way or that way, you begin to see how very complicated it would become, with the world as large as it is today, for God to really have his hand in the daily workings of all our lives. The sheer domino effect could require a computer to keep track of all the effects of one change, because no man is an island... I feel like God is there when I talk to him, and that he listens. We understand God to be Triune--Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Maybe the Holy Spirit has the ability to break itself up further --think of a billion bubbles that can be joined together to form one huge bubble--something like that--only spirit particles--and maybe when we pray, we are all praying to one of those tiny particles that listens to us and we feel \"tunes in to our needs.\" And sometimes in ways that are subtle yet clear--we feel we get some sort of response and guidance. Just like in the old Sunday school song \"I am a promise,\" It says, \"And if you listen, you can hear God\'s voice and if you\'ll let him, he\'ll help you make the right choice. (You\'re a promise to be anything God wants you to be!\")
I think what it comes down to Sandi, is that in our sadness, we get bogged down in the details of our own issues, even though we really know deep down several things. People die. We know this. When death didn\'t touch us directly, it was easy to believe other people\'s loved ones went straight to Heaven, and all was as it was supposed to be even if we knew their family was hurting \"temporarily\" (we thought.) When the sting of death touches our family much too soon---taking one of our children--even though we know absolutely that our children loved the Lord and are in Heaven, the pain of missing them just overwhelms us so much that we lose our bearings and nothing makes sense for awhile. We question things we always believed, etc. Now we understand that the pain of grief is not \":temporary\" and we may feel ashamed of the way we have treated others\' grief in the past. We simply had no idea... In the future we will never treat another griever that way again, and will offer sincere, heartfelt support. I do believe that as time goes on , and you become more \"comfortable\" with your grief, some of your spiritual issues will lesson. Just keep going to church and listening and talking to your minister or another you especially like about how what he says applies to your life. And keep the lines of communication open between you and God.
In the case of Kenny and my own son, too--they were both in a great deal of pain. Now they aren\'t. Maybe that is how God answered our prayers. I don\'t think God gave cancer to Kenny, and he didn\'t give my son a bone disease. My guess is that those were both caused by something in the environment. or a reaction to medicine or some such thing. Maybe someday we\'ll know.
Maybe what we need to learn to accept is that some people are just too broken to fix on this earth and God has no choice but to take then to Heaven to fix them?? Love and hugs, Cherie
I like that - that maybe some people are just too broken to fix on this earth and God has no choice but to take them to Heaven to fix. After hearing so many stories here and from others, this simplicity is soothing me, right now at least. Thanks, Cherie. And thank you, Sandi, for your journal. I hope you\'ve found some comfort in what people have said here.
Love, prayers, and hugs, Sharon
I know after Terry died that all I wanted to do was ask God why He would take someone who loved life and didn\'t hurt people, when there were so many evil people in this world He could have taken. After a time, all the questions didn\'t seem to matter anymore, all that mattered was that I knew one day I would see my son again. That gave me the biggest relief and hope. Even after 3 years I still wonder at times, but it isn\'t that deep seated need to know. I guess maybe it is part of acceptance that God does know far better than us what is in the best interest of our children and His love for them is so much greater than our love for them.
Love and prayers
Debbie