My parents are really gone
February 3, 2010, I lost my dad from a heart attack. He had suffered for several years with dementia, lung & melanoma cancer which had metastized, copd, and a myriad of other illnesses. I lost my mother November 30, 2006 to Alzheimers. I had cared for both of them since 1998. I had them in my home living with me since March 15, 2002. Labor Day weekend of 2006 I had to place them in a nursing home, because my dad's dementia caused him to start becoming violent. He didn't know what he was doing, but he was hard to handle and I was fearful of him.
I have tried to be a good daughter and take care of them. I have done in for the most part by myself with help of my dear husband. I never really grieved Mom's death, because I still had to stand strong for Dad. Now I find I'm overwhelmed with the fact they are both gone.
My feelings waffle back and forth from feeling sad and depressed to just mad at life. I'm mad at my kids because they aren't there for me. I'm mad at my husband because he doesn't pick up the slack and get things done he's supposed to do. I'm mad at God, because he's allowed all this to happen. I'm just mad. It doesn't make sense, but nonetheless it is so.
I love God and I have a personal relationship with him. He is my source of strength, but I still feel this tremendous loss.
On top of all of this, we have left our home where we lived for 20 years and our longtime pastor who we adored. We are in a home that is badly in need of repair (which we didn't know when we bought it). We need help getting things done to it, but no one seems to care about the conditions we're living in. I don't understand. If it had been my mom and dad, I would be there for them. Giving all I had to give.
Please I could use some words of encouragement and some understanding from someone. I'm I being unfair and crazy?
I have tried to be a good daughter and take care of them. I have done in for the most part by myself with help of my dear husband. I never really grieved Mom's death, because I still had to stand strong for Dad. Now I find I'm overwhelmed with the fact they are both gone.
My feelings waffle back and forth from feeling sad and depressed to just mad at life. I'm mad at my kids because they aren't there for me. I'm mad at my husband because he doesn't pick up the slack and get things done he's supposed to do. I'm mad at God, because he's allowed all this to happen. I'm just mad. It doesn't make sense, but nonetheless it is so.
I love God and I have a personal relationship with him. He is my source of strength, but I still feel this tremendous loss.
On top of all of this, we have left our home where we lived for 20 years and our longtime pastor who we adored. We are in a home that is badly in need of repair (which we didn't know when we bought it). We need help getting things done to it, but no one seems to care about the conditions we're living in. I don't understand. If it had been my mom and dad, I would be there for them. Giving all I had to give.
Please I could use some words of encouragement and some understanding from someone. I'm I being unfair and crazy?
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