My own voice seems like a stranger to me

Good morning journal,the time is 11:48am,I have been awake since 11.20am,I slept deeply and undisturbed the whole night,not dreaming,not waking once.The seroquel seems to induce a state of extreme tiredness that I have no way of fending off,leaving me with no alternative but to sleep.This morning,strange as it may seem,I have come to realize that my own voice is like the voice of a stranger,it is much deeper and huskier than I remember.I am much older than I was the last time I heard it of course,but it is still a very strange sensation to hear your own voice yet,at times,feel like you are listening to someone completely different from yourself.When I awoke yesterday,my wife was listening to the last CD I made whilst I was still singing,it took a few seconds before I realized that it was me,and yet I sang professionally for over thirty years.I was never a superb singer,but I was adequate enough to make a living at club level,it was nevertheless very weird to actually hear me perform after so long.Could I still do it now?,the truth is I don't know,with my breathing problems,and my other physical ailments,probably not,but I do miss it greatly.I loved performing,it was my life for so long,to have the privilege of entertaining a room full of people in a full three hour show is absolutely mind blowing,I have done nothing before,or since in my life,that gave me the satisfaction,or pleasure,that my singing career did.My plan of yesterday worked somewhat,I was in too much pain to hold my wife,but I managed to keep my temper for most of the day,except for a couple of times,when anger threatened to overcome me,I used to be the most placid of men,slow to anger and quick to forgive,now I can flare up very quickly,and simmer in the blackest of moods for hours afterwards.Yesterday,I spoke to john,my therapist,on the telephone,he is very willing to send me a letter with his diagnosis so that I can present it to the benefits agency in support of my claim,so hopefully that will help us get the financial help that we need.I also spoke to Jill,my representative from the Citizens Advice Bureau,and she told me to bring John's letter in when I receive it,and she will use it to support me,so it's all good I hope,only time will tell.The plan for today?,same as yesterday really,sleep when I need,be loving while I am awake,sounds simple I know,but as I never know when I will suffer a memory gap,or when Jeremiah,Michael or Ruth will start to talk to me,it is much harder to put into practice.I can only try,and pray that the combo of drugs,the mirtazapine and seroquel,do their stuff in my system,and allow me to be a little like the man I used to be.Till tomorrow then journal,let us hope this day is one of peace,calmness and love.