My other World

Since I have no idea.. what another person goes thru..I can only compare with my daily experiences...  and with what i read here on DS...........Ever since I was yanked outta my home in Mississippi..I found a make believe world I could do to to find Comfort..Control..love...Peace...........Too escape the reality of Pain..or to just pass the time of day...This Other World  changes constantly...........I created this Other world for myself outta need...a child in need of love and understanding..In reality I got abused and neglected..........My true hope for my life was..to have a sucessful marriage, and family...One that stayed together, shared love and support..........I was niether a bad husband or father..I invested all my energy into being the best I could be..My children never had to face the horrors of my life..........So at least I had convinced myself..they faced something else...While I was not around..........The truth is I have no idea, how their mom treated them..I did finally put two and two together and realised  they suffered..Neglect...yepp.... while dad was at work.. my kids were neglected..........Welll that is water under the bridge now...washed away by a river of tears..I try not to beat myself up about it so much..........My children did enjoy a happy childhood...I never seen them beaten.. or found any marks on them..Two of my children grew up to be alcholic's because ..........Well their mom ignored their needs for water during the day...and when tired old dad got home from work  ...well one would distract me while the other drank my beer..........Took me a couple of week to realise ..hey.. this aint right..What the heck's going on..........Do you know how thirsty a kid has to be ..before they will drink a yucky tastin beer...I had to have a talk with their mom..........So in the end I put a plastic jug with a spout.. filled with water on the table each mornin...and couple plastic glasses just for the kids...........I showed em how to get water  for them selves...I ask their mom to help them if they need it..well they didn't steal  my beer no more...........But they still climbed up in my lap and took a nap everyday when i got home from work...me  too... still have the picture of the three of us snoozin...........Thing about my dream world...it's fadeing away...kinda like all  my hopes and dream ..........After my divorce I relived my marriage...over and over again for years...wondering if this or that would have saved our marriage.........As the years past..I realised, I don't want to save that marriage any more..I don't care what the outcome would be..........At first I was like hey  I love my kids so much...I'd do it over just so I could have my children...no matter what I have to suffer...........now.. well I wonder...If I had  a chance to do it over...no dang way knowin what I know now..........I'd rather take a different path...marry someone else...let the future be a suprise..........Cause one thing I have learned in my...lifewho ever I married, I'd be just as true too...and as for children... I'd love em just the same... .......So hey I trade that other dream world forTwilight Princess...(Zelda video game)I'm slow sometimes jr.. has to do the boss.......One day at a  time...russ