My old routine and moving on

I feel meesed up. I can barley remember my old routines. I feel like im losing my friends. I want this stupid pain, saddness and anxiety to end. I want to feel strong and confident again. Im hating this person I am right now. I feel ashamed. My friend Jo wont be there for me anymore so I've lost a vital support. She told me to buck up and get over it. I want that more than anything but I cant force it. OMG, how much longer? Im doing everything I can. Im seeing a councler, trying to stay busy, writing, registering for a class at the college in the fall, taking care of my son. I have an appoiuntment on the 22nd to see a doctor about anxiety meds. This sucks.