My Niece
My new little niece is a month old now, I haven't seen her yet. My anxiety attacks are most of the reason but the other reason no one knows is that I can't bring myself to go and see her even if I could control the anxiety. I just know that when I hold her I am going to be reminded that I haven't got a baby of my own and I'm gonna cry. I can't tell anyone this, so I am only blaming my anxiety. How can I tell my brother and sister in law that I can't hold their baby? I don't want to hurt their feelings but I couldn't take another hit to mine. I know I can't. What can I do? I went to hospital about two weeks or so ago because I got drunk and felt suicidal. I asked a friend who works in social services what would happen now and she said that they wont even consider giving me IVF or let me keep a baby if I were to fall pregnant naturally for another year or so. I have made a huge mistake and seeing my niece would only remind me of that.
Replies
How about a picture of your niece? Can you handle seeing her for the first time by snapshot? And it\'s normal with your circumstances to feel anxiety for seeing her in person. Until you find the means to cope it will be difficult to visit. And you can explain to the parents that you want to be at your best emotionally for the sake of the welfare of the new babe. Babies are really sensitive to our feeling anyway. So this is an excellent reason to take your time and prepare for you best mood when visiting with your niece. I am sure that honesty should not hurt their feelings.
Nice of the friend in social work to give you that info. This is really a matter that you have no reason to fake your feelings, as you already are smart enough to know.
Please keep writing in journals. This method helps you to log your ideas for points of progression. Smart.
Ambi
Thank you. Your advice helped, I saw her a few weeks after I wrote this and managed not to cry and even hold her.. I cried the next day though.. But that is alot better than I thought I\'d be..