My new years resolution...
Ok, this will take some explaing..
So, last yearh I made a few new years resolutions:
1) To do a little more traveling somehow.
2) To start dating and hopefully meet someone truly special
3) To move out of where I was
4) to get a better job
Well, things didn't exactly happen the way I wanted to, but all these things happened. I did do some traveling. I started dating and eventually met this absolutely amazing girl who made me very happy until a lot of bad things happened and we broke up, which lead to me moving out of this work trade I was in (my fault, not the girl's) and I did get another job but work has been really slow lately and my hours keep getting cut!
So that brings me to this year! I started off in horrible condition. Barely working, on bad terms with the girl (whom I will write about again soon) and I'm kind of almost homeless (staying with family). So, I started off feeling like it's time to make some serious changes. I set goals for myself and I'm proud to say, so far I've accomplished everything I wanted to do for January. I got back on good terms with the girl (we're KIND OF dating again).
So, for next month I've already gotten off to a good start! I want to get into shape both physically and financially. I have a lot of work and studying to do and I definitely need to see a doctor (I have an appointment on Tuesday).
I have been through a lot over the past 10 years. Depression defeated me for the longest time (2009 - 2011) and I actually needed medicine to get out of it because it got so bad. There were a lot of times I seriously considered killing myself and I even had some pretty serious emotional/psychological breakdowns. For the most part, that seems to be over but now I have so much more motivation to pick myself up out of this dark scary hole and live again! Depression really is like hell! So far, every day since I reconnected with this girl it's seemed like I have less and less reason to be depressed. I know I need to make some serious life changes, some serious decisions, and I'm going to have to work like I've never worked before but honestly, this girl is totally worth it! I don't care what anyone has to say, even if it doesn't work out I am not letting myself sink the way I did before! NEVER! But considering that I've finally met someone who really truly does make me happy it seems well worth it. Even if I don't actually win her over. I can't let myself get depressed again, it WILL kill me this time. I might have grown a lot stronger but I'm still not strong enough to take on that dark, scary hell again.
I've got a lot to make up for. I screwed things up majorly and I spent most of this past month trying to figure out how to make things right... and so far, I seem to have succeeded beautifully!
Anyways, wish me luck! I'll post another journal soon (probably tomorrow... I think I might even start a blog).
So, last yearh I made a few new years resolutions:
1) To do a little more traveling somehow.
2) To start dating and hopefully meet someone truly special
3) To move out of where I was
4) to get a better job
Well, things didn't exactly happen the way I wanted to, but all these things happened. I did do some traveling. I started dating and eventually met this absolutely amazing girl who made me very happy until a lot of bad things happened and we broke up, which lead to me moving out of this work trade I was in (my fault, not the girl's) and I did get another job but work has been really slow lately and my hours keep getting cut!
So that brings me to this year! I started off in horrible condition. Barely working, on bad terms with the girl (whom I will write about again soon) and I'm kind of almost homeless (staying with family). So, I started off feeling like it's time to make some serious changes. I set goals for myself and I'm proud to say, so far I've accomplished everything I wanted to do for January. I got back on good terms with the girl (we're KIND OF dating again).
So, for next month I've already gotten off to a good start! I want to get into shape both physically and financially. I have a lot of work and studying to do and I definitely need to see a doctor (I have an appointment on Tuesday).
I have been through a lot over the past 10 years. Depression defeated me for the longest time (2009 - 2011) and I actually needed medicine to get out of it because it got so bad. There were a lot of times I seriously considered killing myself and I even had some pretty serious emotional/psychological breakdowns. For the most part, that seems to be over but now I have so much more motivation to pick myself up out of this dark scary hole and live again! Depression really is like hell! So far, every day since I reconnected with this girl it's seemed like I have less and less reason to be depressed. I know I need to make some serious life changes, some serious decisions, and I'm going to have to work like I've never worked before but honestly, this girl is totally worth it! I don't care what anyone has to say, even if it doesn't work out I am not letting myself sink the way I did before! NEVER! But considering that I've finally met someone who really truly does make me happy it seems well worth it. Even if I don't actually win her over. I can't let myself get depressed again, it WILL kill me this time. I might have grown a lot stronger but I'm still not strong enough to take on that dark, scary hell again.
I've got a lot to make up for. I screwed things up majorly and I spent most of this past month trying to figure out how to make things right... and so far, I seem to have succeeded beautifully!
Anyways, wish me luck! I'll post another journal soon (probably tomorrow... I think I might even start a blog).
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