My (New) Child

Hmmm, do you choose the "mark this entry" (positive, funny, happy, educational, etc.) at the beginning or the end of your journal writing? I so often find that I start writing in a "positive" mood and by the end I have explore some darker feelings that I wasn't even really aware of at the start. So maybe I would choose a different label if I did it at the end. Well, just something to contemplate.
Anyway (and everytime I type the word Any... it comes out Andy, by the way! and then I have to go back and fix it!) I am here to tell a little of the story of Heidi. Not the girl in Switzerland with the goats and the grandfather but MY Heidi. 
Five years ago when Andy first moved to Asheville, he met Heidi. I have to find out how, etc. But they fell in love, right away. They talked all night, and said they would get married and have babies named Neon and Bonus. (LOL!) Then they had to separate due to her being involved with someone else I think. And didn't reconnect until this last January when she called and said she wanted to see him and be with him... and she didn't know about the brain cancer. They got wildly happy, wildly swept away in love. You can imagine how happy this made me (bittersweet happy) knowing that Andy was terminally ill, and seeing HIM so happy, so in love, so crazy hormonally happy. What could be better for a guy with brain cancer than pheromones and dopamine and seratonin? He was 'over the moon' as they say.
Well... Heidi became more than Andy's sweet girlfriend. She quickly realized how sick he was (couldn't keep track of what day it was, much less his money or meds) and became his angel on earth. She had 'the way' with him, and it felt a lot better than Mom or Dad hovering. She had experience as a nursing care meds dispenser, a nanny, a house cleaner, a massage therapist, and an herbal healer. What more could you ask for someone losing his mind to cancer. : ( 
You might have seen the photo of Heidi and Andy up in the hot air balloon the week before he came back to Maine. It is amazing... he was so present, so absorbing of life, still so giving. (And yet had really shut down on so many levels that were not key to Life with a capital L.) I told her that she could have him in Asheville for one week but that he was so sick I really felt we had to get him home... soon... there were signs. ANd there were so many others like me and his brother who wanted to see him before he passed, if possible. Ai yi yi. 
So she drove, for three days straight, (due to various troubles, it took that long) in a rental car, to get him back here. When they got to Maine, his tumors started to overwhelm him. What I'm trying to say, and to get to, was that Heidi just about never left his side, the whole last five days. With two trips to the hospital in ambulances, and five days straight in bed, she was by his side, holding him, whispering sweet nothings, comforting him, making sure he had everything we could provide in terms of support and meds and comfort. 
I know how lucky we were. 
And she stayed with me, truly my super angel, for about three weeks after Andy died, before flying back to Iowa to be with her family. SHE had lost the love of her life, and I my son. We totally GOT IT that we had to be present for each other in this journey. There are many others who adored Andy but Heidi and I are at ground zero like no one else. She is on a grieving pathway like I am. I know someday she will find another man who loves her (she is AMAZING) but she and I both know there will never be another Andy.
In fact, I arranged for them to be married the day before he died. It was real. The real thing. And I now completely think of her as a daughter. She calls me her 'mother in love' and we're so grateful for each other.
Yesterday she arrived back to visit for the weekend, for the first time since Andy died... about two months. I was a bit anxious about this... I mean, wanting to see her since I love her so much, but afraid of the intensity of the feelings that might flood me. I am glad to say that it's been wonderful.  WONDER-FULL! Healing, helpful, amazing Heidi. She brought mugwort to support my dreamwork! Damiana to smoke for relaxation. Stories of reconnecting with earth, planting baby pear trees with Andy's ashes, drinking a bit of his ashes on the solstice, burying herself in a sandy beach, and so many more amazing beautiful intuitive acts of love and grief. She's studying to become a midwife... and that is the most incredible thing of all, since I feel that we were partners in midwifery in May when we 'delivered' Andy through the portal to the great beyond.
Heidi... I just adore you. I can't thank you enough. You have a home in my heart, forever.