My Nana Died today

Early this morning my Nana died. She was 2 days from her 92nd birthday. I loved her very much, and I'm glad that my last words to her were “I love you”. I miss her, but it hasn't hit me that she's gone yet. I still expect to be able to call her anytime and talk to her. She passed away near LA, at my aunts house where she was living. She was in a lot of pain, so she's at least at rest now. She was the pillar of my family, the matriarch of everyone. Everyone who met her loved her, and she always insisted that people call her Nana, and not her name, Emma. Even Geo, who is so shy, tried to call her Nana. My mom called her Nana. I just typed that in the present tense and had to go change it to the past tense. I know I'm in denial, and I don't know when I'm going to move on to the next step of grief. I don't know what it is, but I'm sure I can look it up online. All I know is that I loved her so much and she's gone. I'm glad she's not in pain anymore. I can't say that she's in a better place since I'm an atheist and I think you just cease to exist when you die, but I know that she is better now than she was when she was alive. I just don't know what to say.
I got the call when I was at work. My mom called me to let me know. Not only that, but her mother-in-law is dying, too. My mom and I are close to her, her name is Joy. I hope I don't have to attend another funeral soon. I just was in shock. My mom insisted that I have someone walk me home in case I got hit with grief on the way home and collapsed. I had Peter, a new volunteer, walk me home. My boss gave me a hug and told me to take my time, and come back when I could. I'm going to be spending a bit more than a week out there. I want to spend time with my family, you know? We are all going to be going through this for a while. I want to fly there on Monday and come back the following Wednesday. I'm planning on just taking a small suitcase, since I don't want to have to lug a big suitcase on the bus in rush hour. I don't know how well that's going to work, since my carry on is kinda broken, but I think I can still use it. It just doesn't roll right.
The world has lost a wonderful woman. She was an orphan, and so we don't know much about her parents. She married a man in Mexico in the 40's and he turned out to be abusive, so she did what shocked everyone- she divorced him. She became a single mom and headed back to the US. She was born in Arizona, so she had dual citizenship. She met my Papa here in the US, and they got a nice little house in LA. Then my dad and my uncles were born, and she had a full house. They lived as happy of a life as a family could for a while, then things started to go downhill. The neighborhood became shady, and two of my uncles got into gangs and drugs. One died of a heroin overdose, and one died from something else. My dad and my aunts made it through okay. Then my Papa died, and the family was devastated. He died when I was about 2, so I don't remember him. My dad died when I was 13, so my Nana outlived all her sons. But she was a strong woman and kept on going. She started to get up in age, and so my aunt had her move to a senior citizen apartment complex. My Nana managed to live on her own up until she was 90. Then she needed too much help and went to live with my aunt, where she lived until today.
Mood today, I'm going to put horrible even though I don't feel it yet. I know it's going to hit me at any time, and I'm trying to get it to hit me. I have to start packing and all that. Food today was good.. I'm just hungry all the time. I was in my calorie range, though, so that's good. I'm going to probably gain weight on vacation again, and so I have to deal with that too. My stepdad has a bunch of yummy, fatty foods. He doesn't get the low calorie salad dressings or anything, but he makes a good salad. I just have to try and track my calories like I always do. Sleep last night was good... I woke up around 11am and went to work. I was there until about 2 when I got the news. I didn't nap today... Geo was lying with me when I got home to comfort me. I also lost a chunk of tooth somehow today... I was eating regular french fries and when I was done there was a quarter of my molar gone. So now I have this hole in my mouth. It doesn't hurt, but it sure is annoying. It keep scratching my tongue. I should get some sort of dental wax or something to put on it to keep my tongue okay.