My mothers heart sees my son as a little guy

I see him climbing onto our bed afraid of something and needing comfort . I see him requesting to be different and change his hair color and me doing his hair . I see him reading to me before bed time . I see him struggling with unexplained leg pain and no one can find out why until he is 17 and needed surgery removes the cysts that have deformed his ankle .I see him pacing my drifting jet ski and calling out to me "I am here mom " "mom it's okay  I am here" I see him holding a job at sonic and fixing his mom a really loaded frito pie . I see him so proud of the cars I gave him over the years . I see him married . I see him a mosaic mix of facial expressions and body language and the smell of his head oh God I love this boy grown to a man .
But He can't see me past his hurt at me leaving his dad . He can't see me past his MS and His marriage on the rocks . his reasons based on lies and poison comments from his angry dad he lost sight of who I am to him and only sees what I am not to his dad to his life . 
They grow up and forgive slowly the parent your were and never see the parent you are now . They never forget how to push that one button they know will hurt you . This they learn early and never forget. 
Estrangement , The thundering chaotic deer in the head lights shock of total silence and black out , The void where connection used to ride so soundly so complete and pure . It is eaten away frayed and melting over time . we are placed in a prison for unknown duration to relive memories knowing there may never be more . 
They can not know how cruel it is not our little loves no way could they do this if they only knew . I refuse to believe my son can do this it has to be seducing unclean spirits on a mission to steal my peace and joy . My son would never do this to me . 
It is the blink of an eye this passage of time I endure estrangement compared to eternity with my son restored to me in heaven . come soon Lord Jesus.